A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Let me just get this out in the open, i'm a lesbian...I have been with my girlfriend just over a year, everything has been great apart from a month or so ago when she lied to me by saying she was at home in bed when really she was out clubbing with her friends, anyway I found out after 3 weeks of asking her about it. She apologised and said she doesn't know why she did it. I have never been possessive or been bothered by her going out with her friends, so the lie confused me. Anyway, I don't trust her as much anymore and it has put some strain on the relationship, i've become more argumentative and suspicious. So after talking to her about it I am gradually getting this trust built back up. But recently, her friends have taken quite a dislike to me, I don't know if it is just in my head, but these friends are normally very friendly and talkative with me and make me feel comfortable, but last week at a birthday party none of them spoke to me the whole night, I just sat next to my girlfriend like a 'wallflower'. It upset me, so alls I cant think of is that she has told them that things haven't exactly been perfect recently, and now they think I am some crazy possessive jealous person. I'm worried, as there opinion of me could in the end lead her to breaking up with me? What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 I think you are right. She probably complained to them about you when things were a bit rough between the two of you, so their perception of you has changed.
There is nothing you can do except use underhanded tactics
to control the situation (but please don't stoop this low). Be Zen like in your approach. Don't stress about it and let the situation take its natural course. Be yourself with her friends. Talk to each of them one on one rather than in a group setting. One on one conversations will help them to see you as you truly are and not through your girlfriend's eyes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2013): All you can really do is ask her to be honest about how her friends feel about you. She may have told them things about your relationship which caused them to judge you, so ask her if she's told them anything about the relationship. If she admits to dishing out the relationship dirt to her friends, remind her that your business is solely you and her's. Frankly, as long as you're treating her right your business shouldn't be of any interest to her friends. If she tells you that her friends don't like you for whatever reason, remind her that you've done nothing and that you nor your relationship issues should be of any concern to them. Hope that helps.
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