A
male
age
26-29,
*hekidamidstall
writes:Lately I've been getting rather worried and at the same time annoyed with my girlfriend's ex. I don't even know him personally, but frankly what's going on is really bothering me. According to my girlfriend, every time he contacts her he ends up pouring his heart out to her, telling her how he can't stand the thought of her being with someone else (me) and basically his deep feelings towards her. This makes her feel greatly confused, as if she's trying to decide between me and her ex. I think the only real reason they broke up was because her ex is going to a school that is really far from where my g/f and I attend and he had to move. She strongly feels LDRs wouldn't work out. This whole confusion only happened twice, once only a couple days ago, and once about three weeks ago. However now I notice he's beginning to contact her more, namely through facebook as i see him posting things lately (very often, if not, daily for the past few days).I really appreciate her honesty in telling me what she feels and when she feels this way, but now i can't help but feel annoyed towards him and worried that maybe this relationship won't work out because of this feeling of confusion she feels. Honestly I feel annoyed with the fact that he's not respecting that fact that she has a new boyfriend to begin with, and the fact that I'm the boyfriend only adds to it and i feel rather offended. I feel much concern that maybe the relationship won't work out because of those moments when he talks to her that she feels so torn. When she was talking about this to me, I didn't really want to say anything that would only add to her confusion, and i basically told her this and that I would just leave her be to sort out her thoughts. I really don't want to make her feel any more confused at any given moment she feels this way, but now I'm really feeling this urge to just say something, anything, about this whole thing. I guess my questions are these: Am i worrying a bit much about this? Should I really sit her down and tell her anything i feel about this? Should I be so concerned that her ex is trying to get her attention, especially as of late?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): You are right to be worried by this. I say you sit her down and talk to her about how you feel. See if she agrees to stop talking to him maybe or if you can contact him and tell him to please respect your guys' relationship. (Make sure you dont frighten her out of being honest with you)
My personal experience. My ex kept contacting me and my girlfriend straight up told me she did not like me talking to my ex. She doesnt talk to any of er exes and I understood completely how she felt because I was very in love with my ex...So because I love my girlfriend and didn't want her to feel horrible I told my ex to stop talking to me and I never responded to any of their texts. Even so my ex kept sending me stuff and calling me. So my gf called her and said she wasnt quite happy with her and asked her to leave us alone. I think it works out gret in me and my girlfriends relationship that we both do not talk to our exes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): You have a valid concern although I would leave it to your girlfriend to decide what's best, otherwise what ever final decision she makes she may blame you if it fails. By allowing this you will know that which ever direction she decides to take, it is sincere.
Odds are your girlfriend is still emotionally attached to her ex since her emotions go into a torn uproar when her ex contacts her.
Her ex could also be still emotionally attached to her and this why he hasn't stopped contacting her or maybe he realizes that he has some sort of control over her emotional attachment for him and is using his control over her for revenge or jealousy purposes only with the goal of causing havoc in her emotions or to sabbotage her relationship with you.
Your girlfriend is obviously torn and hasn't taken adequate time to clear her head which essentially appears you're her rebound, which doesn't always end in failure. There's a chance if you handle the situation appropriate.
I would let her know that you're aware she's torn, and let her know that she and you to take a break so she can have space to clear her head to figure out exactly what she wants with you, him or in general as far as relationship. But you need to be very specific and not generalize when you talk with her about this so that she doesn't become confused or left in the dark about your motives and goal, otherwise she's going to think you're playing with her head as she probably thinks about her ex.
Your goal her is to allow her to get control of the situation void of your influence. She's being pulled in two directions right now.
This can turn out good or bad for depending on how it's handled.
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