A
male
age
41-50,
*urnin12
writes:My girlfriend of two years has an ex that is a good friend of her family and her brother's best friend. The real problem is that I didn't know about this until about a year and a half into our relationship. She didn't mention it because she thought I knew. My GF and I hung out in the same circles when we were younger and she fugured I had known jst from word of mouth. I'm actually surprised I didn;t know about it. I have a lot of very close friends and we're pretty much up on anything going on with in the circle.The main problem is that this guy was actually a friend of mine in high school. He also dated my cousin for 4 years. In that 4 years he cheated on her (my cousin) numerous times and slept with my GF at the time.I explained this to my GF and she understood why I was disgusted when she told me they were together for a time. She also attempted to defend him. She said he was young and stupid, he's grown up a lot and is a much better person. All though in my head I'm thinking I'm sleeping with someone that slept with someone that slept with my cousin and my high school GF. That just skeeves me out. I didn't explain it to her like that.She tells me they weren't that serious and they weren't together for more than a few months and of course I have nothing to worry about.I do trust her with my life and my heart. I don't trust him with anything at all.All in all he is around a lot and I don't think I can take it. I always thought I was more secure with myself but being put through this bothers me a lot. I love her more than I have loved anyone and she makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world when we're alone. I get so much pleasure out of doing things for her and that is somehting I honestly never felt for anyone other than family members. I was able to picture us together forever but now because of this I don't know. I know it would be stupid to throw something this good away because of insecurity. Is it worth taking what could be another year or so of her life and time to see if I can put up with it and then if I can't take action then or should I just get out now before I chance wasting anymore of her time? I do Love her and as much as it would hurt her I wouldn;t want to end up wasting her time. It also scares me that I will never find anyone like her again and I can't picture myself single or with anyone else. Please, some suggestions or answers will be very much appreciated.Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009):
Spiderwoman30 - I agree,that shouldn't matter and normally I would care less who anyone has slept with but when I have to face that person and actually hang out with them it starts to eat at me. She is very close with her brother (only family in the country) so we go over there a lot and have dinner with him and his wife and often his friend/her ex is there as well.
Krissypro89 - We actually do spend quite a bit of time together and away from the house and the ex. It's just when he is around it's very awkward for me. Specailly when family comes to visit(from out of the country). Since he is a family friend almost all the time I spent getting to know her family invloved him being there. That includes the 1st time I meet Mom and Dad. Of course Mom and Dad love this guy since he has been a family friend since they were all kids. Also her Mom thinks it's great that
I can deal with the fact that the were togetehr and they are still friends. She tells everyone it shows that I am strong and reliable man and that I really do lover her daughter....I'm obviously faking it. I do Love her though and probably will just deal with it. What's a little ulcer when it comes to Love.
I'm afraid to say anything to her because it's all ready awkward enough for me I don' want to make it awkward for both of us when the situation comes about. As far as she is concerned I am ok with the situation.
Is there anyway I could bring it up to her and not cause every time he's around to be an awkward monment? I can't think of a way.
A
female
reader, spiderwoman30 +, writes (14 February 2009):
It doesn't matter who slept with whom many years ago. If you love her, go for her.
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A
female
reader, Krissypro89 +, writes (13 February 2009):
Why dont you have your girlfriend over your place more than going where this ex is at.
Take her out more even if it is for coffee one night, at a cafe, movies... where ever.
He will get the message.
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