A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend, who is 25, and I are in a serious relationship. My problem is that out of her two best friends, one is her ex boyfriend. On top of that, it's the guy she lost her virginity to when she was 20. They dated about a year, and then a year later started becoming close friends.She insists there's nothing between them, and I believe her. But it's still just something I really disapprove of. No I have not met the guy; she offered, but I refused. We fight about this a lot. She thinks there's nothing wrong with this. But I cant look at a guy, shake his hand, and know what he's done with my girlfriend; and then be a part of our life together.Am I the only person who thinks this is unacceptable or strange?!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): Check out the answers you've received already. This really comes down to a guy's outlook versus a girl's outlook. For girls, they just see the emotional attachment to someone they trusted alot in the past. For guys, we can't get the physical thoughts out of our head. It comes down to how much it matters to you and how confident you are about yourself.My ex-fiance was great friends with her first boyfriend. Even after about 10 years, he still referred to her as "The love of his life." She felt nothing for him beyond friendship. That was a little uncomfortable, but I knew they had been intimate physically, so it wasnt' too bad.Another ex-girlfriend was very good friends with her previous three ex's. I had no interest in meeting them, but I never forbade her from seeing them. Finally, one of her ex's had a leaving town party she talked me into going to. On the way there she asked, "Isn't this going to be fun?" I responded that I was going only for her and not too excited about meeting someone with whom the only thing we had in common was that we had both penetrated her. She still didn't get the point. Once we broke up, she couldn't understand why her new boyfriend wouldn't allow her to see me. (Of course, we were still "friends with benefits" until they got serious)So, long story short. Girls don't see a problem hanging out with their ex's because they generally only have an emotional attachment without physical intimacy. Guys, on the other hand, generally maintain friendships with their ex's with the hope that it will remain a friends with benefits situation.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): i completely understand my ex is one of my very best mates i really really trusr him but im with a new guy now and i didnt know but it really annoyed him about my ex talk to her . you cant tell her who not to be friends with shes bound to be close to him it happens if your in relationship arent you supposed to trust her ? is shse says she wont cheat she wont
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2009): I disagree slightly with the first post. He's still her friend, regardless of what they did together. Yes it may be awkward, but I think you're slightly paranoid. If you keep worrying and fighting over it, who is she most likely to go back to. You can disapprove all you like but it's not going to change the past, so my advice is look to the future.
Take her word that there is nothing else between them anymore, you've got to trust her, and ask yourself, is this such a serious problem or are you just making one? I think you'd benefit from meeting this guy so you can get all your 'what ifs' out the way. Talk to him, tell him it's a little awkward and he'll agree. He's probably moved on, it's been five years.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, previasc96 +, writes (26 April 2009):
You are totally right for feeling the way you do! She's a little nieve so she doesn't understand why you feel like this. She shouldn't be hanging out with her ex! Maybe talk on the phone sometime, or email... but she needs to consider your feelings! Being in a relationship sometimes means sacrifice. She needs to switch her priorities. My girl used to have lots of guy friends, after we became serious, she stopped hanging out with them because she realized it was unacceptable. I didn't even express that i didn't want her hanging wit her ex and other guy friends... she came to that conclusion herself after one of em tried to make a move on her.
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