A
male
age
30-35,
*owboy254
writes:Hello I'm seeking advice I am 17 and my girlfriend is 15 we live about1,000 miles apart so we have a long distance relationship right now I'm moving down in roughly 6months. We are alot alike and I love her zoo much but lastnight she told me her stepfather has anger problems and he used to hit her mom but now he hits her and strangles her when he gets upset and angry plus her x boyfriend was beating her and he tried to rape her but wasn't successful. She broke up with him and he apologized andshe basicaly told him that she doesn't want him around her. Her x told her to get over it and she didn't even tell anyone about it except myself and now she has it in her head that she needs to get over her stepfather beatng her rather than notifying the authorities and I don't know what to do when I move to her state. She made me promise not to tell anyone about it because her mom loves her stepdad. What can I do to help the girl I love I would protect her to the end but I don't want to lose her she means the world to me and when she says I love you too me I feel happy almost like it was the first time I ever felt happy in my life. It really makes me feel good when I can make her laugh. I love her so much I just want her to be happy and she's not because she is also doing drugs to get away from it all she's taking pills that she doesn't even know what they are and smoking marajuanna and I know I need to be there for her so I can simply hold her when she's upset and let her know I will always love her. Please I need you guys advice on this one what I could do to help her through this rough time I love this girl soo much I'd walk through hell for her please help us both.
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broke up, drugs, I love you, long distance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (9 March 2009):
 Anonymous tip off to the police. I've used this post before but I think it's important; Every ten days in England and Wales one child is killed at the hands of their parent. In half (52 per cent) of all cases of children killed at the hands of another person, the parent is the principal suspect. (NSPCC website http://www.nspcc.org.uk/WhatWeDo/AboutTheNSPCC/KeyFactsAndFigures/KeyFacts_wda33645.html)
Report this man NOW he will kill your girlfriend sooner or later!
A
female
reader, tumelo  +, writes (9 March 2009):
Mhh that sounds really hectic.
But i think your girl rather go and open a case against her momma boyfriend, and again she should ask to stay with a relatives or child protection institution,hope they have one of those. those are 2 first steps she needs to take cause you can see that this hurts her, and the longer she stays the harder this is on her, he might 1 day succeed in raping her,so to prevent all that from happening just suggest this to her before it gets any worse, i would say she should talk to her mom first but it seems its gonna fall on death ears. please let me know what happens. hope it helped. and remember this is about her, and her alone, her mother might not be around for the next 5 yrs or soo,she will be left alone with the hurt pain.
and remember to always remind her that you love her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): i would deffinately reccomend trying to get her to talk to someone about it...don't push her to...but tell her that you are very concerned about her and you love her and care about her wellbeing. i feel for her...and you. i honestly don't really know what you can do because you are so far away from her. but you should tell your parents. maybe they have an idea of what you should do. good luck!
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A
female
reader, flowerxchild +, writes (9 March 2009):
 Hello.
It sounds like you really care about this girl. I have been through some stuff myself, so I kind of feel as if I can relate to her situation. It sounds like this has been eating her up inside. I'm glad that she came forward and confessed to you about what happened. The best thing I think you could do for her, is to be patient, give her love your love, pray for her, and try to get her to open up to you more but don't push it on her.
I'll tell you some of the stuff I have been through, and what is helping me now, and what has helped me in the past.
I have been in a long distance relationship for 2 years. I quit school due to a low self esteem at the beginning of my freshman year. I started out with bad body dysmorphia and was obsessed with my appearance... I started cutting my freshman year and got pretty bad into that, I started smoking, I tried drugs, I got into popping pills, and even snorting pain pills. All of this, I started doing by myself. No peer pressure involved.
A lot of times in life, you feel like your carrying around a weight on your back. You don't know what to do with it. You feel trapped, you get depressed, you have anxiety, you feel empty... It just HURTS. You feel like NOBODY in the world could understand. Sometimes because of that the only thing that seems to make it better is drugs, self mutilation, but in reality it makes it WORSE. You plunge deeper and deeper into depression, what I like to call "the darkness"... a lot of people start isolating because of it, and hide.
I recently confessed my feelings and problems to my grandma... Her and my aunt talked to their pastor, and I started seeing my Aunt's pastor for spiritual counseling every Friday. He has been a big help for me. Because sometimes when your in that low of a place, you feel hopeless, and like you can't bring yourself out of it. Who do you have to turn to then? I truly believe the only thing that can break through that bondage is God. I'm learning more and more about that every day.
Once you open yourself up to God's love, it can change your life dramatically. Look at it this way, it's almost like when your opening yourself up to God's love, your shedding away those insecurities, that pain, your forgiving yourself, and giving it to him to take care of. All you need to do is focus on getting better, and applying his guidance to your life, so that things will change, heal, and get better for you. Your replacing that hole, with his love. Then you can learn to heal again. You just have to be willing to change. You have to be willing to give up some things, to break through that bondage, so that you can get better and heal. It can be a scary thing, to put your trust in Him. Trust me, I know.
I know some people are scared away by religion. But this isn't what this is about. This is about having a relationship with God. I'm not "religious". I don't even HAVE a religion, as of now I'm keeping my options open. Trying to figure out my spiritual path as I grow. I've never had a religion, but I still believe in God.
Try and pray for her darling. Right now this girl needs LOVE. If you could try to talk to her, about seeing somebody... maybe a counselor, a family's pastor, anything. Sometimes talking to somebody outside of everything, can be a really great experience.
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