A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months, and had a great summer living together, but once we got back to our normal school routine, and she got a new place with new roomates, she started to seem really distant. We started having way less sex, and she would sometimes seem like she had a coldness to her that I cannot really explain. She always said she was "tired" but sometimes admitted her depression, but didnt ever blame it on me or us. However, I could tell our relationship dynamic was part of the problem. The sex never really picked up to be what it used to. We continued loving each other very much and still did romantic things together, but for some reason she continued to seem distant, close, distant, close, distant, close, etc etcShe asked if we could take a break. We took a break for about two days before she said she couldnt stand it any more, so we started spending time together once again. Things seemed to be working out great at first (the break seemed to help), but after some time she again started to lack the same emotional connection that she had with me before.It was really starting to effect me. Our relationship was making me depressed and effecting my school work. She started criticizing me way more frequently, pointing out my faults more than usual. I wanted so much for things to be how they were and for us to be connected in the same way, but they couldnt seem to get back on track. Finally one day I saw her and she didnt seem at all affectionate and in fact seemed to not really want me around. That day in class I couldnt focus at all, and I decided that the best thing for me to do is break up with her.I broke up with her by saying that I want her to be happy, and that I think to do that she needs to be free. So I said I think we need to break, and that I need a break. She said she thinks its the best thing too, but asked, "can i come back?" She cried and kissed me and hugged me and I could tell she was sad. Then she left. I really do not want us to seperate. I just want her to be happy and to get her life back so that we can be happy together again. I know she needed this because she really needs to fly. She was feeling like a trapped bird...I know it. What should I do? Should I not call her for a while to give her that space? Or would that ruin my chances of getting her back? I know she loves me and I know I love her. But I want to do the right thing. I want her.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Now's just not the time. There's something bothering or eating at her she needs to fix first before she can be in a relationship again. Give her the space you said you would give her and that you need. If you continue to talk to her regularly you'll just get back together and nothing will change it will be the same lacking emotionally and physically. Tell her you're going to cut off contact for about 2-3 weeks then call her just to check how she's doing. If you feel like she has made no progress then keep on with the space. If she is really depressed then she needs to seek a therapist to talk to and possibly some medication to get better. Depression is very hard to deal with and will not go away on it's own, it needs to be treated before it worsens. Now, if it's meant to be she will come back to you. I know it sounds cliche but it's true.
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