A
male
age
30-35,
*itko
writes: First of all, this is the first time I'm posting stuff like this on the internet, so excuse whatever mistakes I make, but I have literally nobody else to give me a single different perspective on this matter. Here goes:I've been with this girl on and off for almost a year now (both mid-20s), and it's been a month now where we're trying to heal ourselves and our relationship in general, after some serious ups and downs the past months.Long story short, she's very attractive, but usually quite modest and extremely upfront and (brutally)honest. She's one of the very few I feel I can trust, and It's very difficult for me to trust somebody. So:A friend of her stepdad's, asked her if she wanted to do a "sexy"/ Boudoir Photo-shoot, and she told me she would like to do it because, after checking it out, she likes this kind of Photography. Thing is though, the guy is not what you'd call an "established professional" and she said it's more of a hobby for him. Also, she said the pictures are just for her, they will not be posted anywhere. She will only show it to a few select people and the person who will accompany her there (and might see her naked). My biggest gripe is the very last part. She said that because we're in this weird phase right now where we're "semi-together", it's much too early for me to go with her (despite having her seen naked before) and that she wants to take somebody with her, with whom she will be comfortable with. Needless to say, I didn't like that response. Yes, we're both taking our time and see how it goes this time but still...The problem is however, she has a couple of girlfriends and two guy friends (one of them is into her but she doesn't want him. The second might be into her too). She said she has no idea whom she will take with her to the photoshoot.Another important thing to consider is, she has cancer, and it's terminal. She may have, give or take, 10 years ahead of her, maybe more, if we're lucky. I will be the first to admit that I can be jealous, depending on the situation, but in my opinion, not without a legit reason. The reason this situation bothers me is because: 1. She simply told me she would do it, as if my opinion didn't matter, at all. I admit my knee jerk reaction was not the most positive one but that has mostly to do with me not being her escort to the photoshoot. After that, I told her "It's okay, I'm fine with it if you do it" and she said "Yeah of course. I will do it how I want to do it anyway."2. I asked about the photographer, she said he has an instagram account, but that it's private and that he adds only people he knows, so her giving me his name wouldn't do me much good. He wouldn't add me and I wouldn't be able to check his work anyway is what she said. (I wanted to).3. I'm afraid she will pick one of her guy friends to go with her and there's a high possibility he will see her naked. As somebody whom she says she has feelings for, and I'm the guy she wants etc, the thought of another dude seeing "my" girl naked doesn't sit well with me at all. Also, she knows I'm not too fond of the guys.4. I thought about it and well, to be honest, she doesn't have that much time left, so I don't want to make problems for her because of that. She says she wants to do it for her, she might want it to look back in the past when things get worse for her later etc...So...am I overreacting here, even if one of her guy friends escorts her there? How should I tackle this in my head? It's stressing me out and I don't know if I'll be able to swallow it and just keep going as if nothing's happened. I apologize for it being so long. That caught me off guard.
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male
reader, Mitko +, writes (18 January 2018):
Mitko is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank everyone for the replies and the different perspectives on the matter. Every reply has been helpful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2018): Hon, a boudoir photoshoot is a very personal thing to undertake. It is a series of photograps which are taken generally in very sexy poses. There is nothing pornographic about it. I did a shoot recently and I set the pace so to speak, I decided just how much i was or wasnt going to reveal. Furthermore you speak of your girlfriends terminal illness. Maybe she needs this to feel good about herself.Be a good friend and be there for her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2018): Exchange all the female pronouns for male ones, and all the ladies on here would be saying 'your boyfriend is up to no good, dump him.'
Regardless of 'control of bodies' and 'right to do what she pleases' it all sounds a bit shady, especially if she's not willing to throw you bone and give you info or access to ease your mind.
She's up to something.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2018): Hang on ? Do you look at other naked women ? Like in porn . Ever ? If so what makes you think you have any right to dictate what your girlfriend ca or can not not show her body to. I simply will never understand men. They have a massive double standard when it comes to this. Apparently when it comes to them looking they use phrases like 'It's just looking at the menu' and, 'We are just visual no harm so long as we don't touch' When it comes to their own partners having licence to show their OWN bodies to other men they treat is like possessions and suddenly porn and visual looking is 'cheating'.Amazing isn't it. Yet when a woman has a problem with her man masturbating over literally thousands of other women naked suddenly she is the insecure one. I suggest this is all about ownership of women's bodies exploitation and quote a disgusting double standard. Op if you ever watch porn then leave her be and let her do as she pleases.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 January 2018):
 It is her choice at the end off the day. But be honest with her and tell her how you feel. Tell her if you are working towards being in a relationship then you would rather not have her male friends seeing her naked. I think that is a fair enough request. However she hasn't mentioned she is bringing another male so you could just be worrying about nothing. The best advice I can give you is work together to decide if you both want to be together or not, there shouldn't be no inbetween.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (15 January 2018):
 She is prepared to go her own way no matter what you think. So, you can do the same. If you don't like the idea of the photo shoot tell her and draw a line. You don't have to like it. If it is something on her bucket list then that is up to her.
However towards the end of her illness she might be glad of a friend like you, so she should bear that in mind before rushing to show herself off to an amateur cameraman. He won't be there at the end you can bet on that.
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A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (15 January 2018):
 Even if he is not a full-time guy at this type work if she can trust him it is the most important part of this, she could find many professional that would be happy to do this type photo shoot for her but she has to feel comfortable and trust him, it is a big ego boost to her and she wants to make photos now to have and leave something as a mark the people doing this type work are like going to your doctor they see a lot of people nude and don't think about it as this is just work and there is nothing sexual about it my wife does a little photo model work and she has never cheated not once but it has changed her in a good way as now she is a lot happier in herself confident and it has given her self-esteem a boost, I think you should support her in this and if you and she agree you might agree on finding a photograph and you could even offer to pay him they can cost around 200/250 euro for 3h shoot. A good PHOTOGRAPH will be better and help her to relax and not push her to do more than she wants to go as happy with
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