A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello guys. I ve seen from my GF`s FB page that she sent a message to this guy from England (whom she's never met in person) asking him if hes coming to visit soon and also wrote that its been a long time since they talked. So this guy was introduced by her English guy friend that lives here in The U.S to get to know each other online which they did until we were together. So the argument was of course it would still have been ok for her to meet him and matter fact I will go meet him with her. However, her point she was trying to bring across firmly is, its still ok to meet him since she would've loved to meet her friend's friend just so she can still be the nice person she is without me interferring with her nice personality.I dont agree with that and I'm the type of a strong character man and opinionated on issues from women that try to feed us men with BS. Moreover, If I would picture the situation going to meet this guy she would purposely give him full attention just like past situatuons where we argued before about which her execuse is that she is just that type of nice person. Well those situations were never comfortable and I ask myself why am I putting up with it. Now what do you guys think? Do I have a point opposing her meeting him or should I go on listening to how she trys to flip the situation around wanting me to think of myself as controling. Plus why would I want to meet him? Thats insane! he also said if it is her she would be so ok with it. Shes stresing me out and stands firm on she shouldnt give in and like i said she turns it around and gives me attitude and ignores me. I have always compromised many things for her and been there for her but this one is too weird.
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female
reader, KristinaMarchant +, writes (1 January 2013):
You are being controlling. Be you aren't wrong. If something upsets you in a relationship, you have a right to speak up. She should care about you and your relationship enough to hear what you have to say and respect your feelings. Unfortunately, you can't change her reaction-- you can't control her level of empathy or understanding. And the longer you try to change her, the more she will resist.She seems not to care much about how things effect you. Maybe it's the way you are talking to her or maybe it's that she isn't ready to make compromises for a relationship. If I were you, I would try to appeal to her empathetic side first. Say, "I really love you and I feel very uncomfortable about you meeting this guy. I don't want to feel like this. What do you suggest we do about what I'm feeling?" Say it lovingly and with a calm heart. Avoid blame and self-victimization. If she shows little compassion, it may be time to move on. The biggest problem people have in relationships is that they try to change their partner. Don't burn time and energy on arguing with a woman to make her treat you better. It's a waste of time. Go out and find the woman who listens to your feelings and prioritizes your relationship. Brave the unknown and believe that there is someone better out there for you.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 You are not controlling. She should treat you as priority. Her arguments are showing you that her friend is more important than your feelings. Why she is so keen on this British guy I don't know. Maybe it's his exotic accent. She is a nice person, but not to you though. You don't have to control what she does, just express to her that you find yourself difficult to open up to her because you don't feel you are important. In fact you want to withdraw.
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