A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i ended my relationship with my gf cuz she slept with a black dude that is old enough to be her dad and has kids and a woman. she didn't cheat on me cuz this happened before we were together, but i can't accept this. can anyone suggest how i get past this? i love her very much and i never wanted to break her heart.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): This happened in the past, she wasn't even with you then. I know it's hard to forget about your girlfriend past romances but your relationship won't work if you can't.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): I don't understand what the difference was to add his nationality in there? Is that a big part of the problem?
Or is it just the fact that if he were purple, green, three armed and married with children the issue?
Is it both? If so, why?
If you truly loved her, you would have choosen to accept her as she came to you; flaws and all but possessing all the traits you admire in her which gave you the reason for you to say-this woman deserves my heart.
I do think there are other issues at play here than what the surface of this problem presents.
Either way, I agree, past is past.
If she had not something in your relationship that would signal she is not trustworthy, then I can better understand you having a mistrust in her.
Listen, we all have flaws, we all will say and do things to another that may hurt them intentionally, or unintentionally. We will all desire to be forgiven and yet; how is it we are so slow to forgive?
And in this situation; she doesn't need your forgiveness as much as she needs your love and understanding.
Just love her.
Let go of your insecurities and fears that seem to attached themselves to this past incident that she felt was safe to share with you because she trusted and loved you and believed you would just love her for who she is.
If anyone was wronged here...
Best Wishes.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2007): You seem to not be able to get over the fact that she has done something that you find shamefull. It seems like can't get over it, so I would say you will need to level the playing field. In order to do that, you need to do somethings shamefull too, so you need to go out there and find a middle aged black man and have him pound you in the ass, a similar experience to what your gf had. That way you can feel justified in being with her.
On the other hand, you could accept that maybe you are different to her and have had different experiences in the past, and that thats ok. The thing that matters is who she is and who she wants to be. People are not equal to the sum of their past mistakes. People change. If your girlfriend is different to who she was, you might want to accept her. If you can't accept her, you have your own reasons for this. Accept yourself, or go to councelling to find out why you can't accept her, and maybe through understanding you will want to change.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, cd206  +, writes (9 February 2007):
 Delve back into your history until you come across something you're ashamed of. We all make mistakes at some point during our lives. Your girlfriend has realised and owned up to hers which makes her a great deal better than a lot of people who pretend their pasts are squeaky clean. You said it yourself, this happened before you even knew her. It's not your job to judge, it's your job to be her boyfriend and that means supporting her even if you don't condone her actions.
CD
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A
female
reader, here_2_help +, writes (9 February 2007):
 the past is in the past and she told you because she dident want to lie to you that means that she was ready for you to hate her and she told you anyway because she could not bear to lie to you this is what i call true love. and if you forget her then you are a fool. THE PAST IS THE PAST.
hope this helps xx
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