A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I really need advice about my partner. We're lesbians, just incase there's any confusion. I'm not really sure to start but basically I'm concerned about my partnr and our relationship. I love my girlfriend so much. I want to be with her for the rest of my life and want to get married one day. Ever since we got together, I have known she has depression. She takes medication for this and that usually means she is fine. She has off days like the rest of us but we get through them. Recently, in the last 2 months, I've been noticing a side to her which I'm not sure I like. I'm being very honest here, but it's like laziness. Now I know she's depressed, I've helped her so much with this and am always there for her. Believe me, I know its very real and I know it has impacted her life in a really big way, but recently it just seems like its an excuse not to do anything rather than a reason. Like she wont apply for jobs because she cant be bothered. She says shes going on the computer to work, when really shes just on facebook and youtube. She takes days to complete simple tasks and worryingly, her personal hygiene and diet is now being affected.I know these could all be symptoms of her depression, but I'm worried. It's gotten really bad but not in the way it used to be. Before when she's had bad spells, it made her feel really low and I'd have to comfort her and build her up again. But now, it's not that's shes sad, she just mopes.I don't know what to do or say. I know she's not being lazy but I can't let her go on like this.She stays inside all day. Shes goes a week without washing. Her hair is starting to thin because she isn't eating right or getting enough sunshine or fresh air. Her skin has gone grey. I'm really worried.Whats probably making it worse, and perhaps this is my fault, is my career is starting to take off. I'm away working during the day. I come home probably full of life and excited and as soon as I walk in, I see her at the computer, staring completely zombified. I try talking to her but all i get is grunts.I love her so much and want to help but I don't know how. I feel lost. This isn't the woman I got with. She's become a shell of herself. Please help? I've tried everything - being subtle, being sensitive, I've tried scare tactics, I've helped write her C.V so she can get a job, I've got her into meditation to help destress her and she bought a load of books on it, I try and encourage her to come outside with me for walks but nothing works. Without being nasty, it's like there's no one in there.Help?
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female
reader, AlwaysHereToHelp! +, writes (8 March 2011):
 Hello :)I've had depression myself and I've only just got out of it. And yes staying in all day and all the symptons you mentioned are symptons of depression. I used to stay in for weeks at a time. I couldn't face going out into the world. I was paranoid about what people would think and I felt insecure. Also when you're depressed you feel like everything is pointless, everything you do, everyone you talk to, even eating feels pointless. I know it might sound silly but she isn't being lazy, she probably feels pointless. Try and sit down and chat to her. Say that you love her very much and she needs to get out of this visous cycle because that's what it is, a vicous cycle, and it feels impossible to get out of.Try and set her a routine perhaps or plan one day out at a time. Getting a job right now isn't a good choice as she has taken a turn for the worse. Ttry as best as you can to push her, don't give up, and keep on trying. Don't be too soft, but listen to what she has to stay. Even sometimes just getting dressed can make yoou feel better and going for small walks really help. If no matter how hard you try nothing works, contact your doctor and ask for a therapist. It helped me alot. You can get them to come to your house as well.I hope this helps x
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