A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Mf gf said she is bored of sex yet I am the only one trying to be kinky or sexy in bed. It's doing my head in. Maybe I should be honest with her and tell her Ive been fantasizing about other women because you arent doing anything anymore. I have tried talking to her about how we can improve or if there is anything she wants to try but I get a "I dunno". Im getting to breaking point. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 October 2016):
 So she is stressed and has low confidence. That to me is your answer. Stress kills the libido and low confidence means she probably hates undressing in front off you in case she turns you off.
You say you have tried building it up and you have tried helping her with the stress she has gotten herself in to but she can only help herself. You can be there for her but she needs to do the work to make herself happy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2016): Ive tried talking to her multiple times after it. We are pretty open.
She is not on the pill anymore. She maybe stressed but she put herself in that position I am trying to work and help her get out of it.
Yes she has low confidence. I try build it up but its very hard.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (19 October 2016):
You tell her about your fantasies and your sex life will go from low to zero quicker than you could imagine. Talk about hitting a girl where it hurts. Don't ever share that information with her.
Does she know why her sex drive has went down? Is she on medication? The pill?
Is she depressed or stressed in life?
Has she low confidence or maybe gained weight?
Do you show her a good time in bed? Make sure she is satisfied?
Talk to her, communication is key. Try be more romantic. Surprise her with simple gestures, try new things with her, spice it up!!
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A
female
reader, defer2ok +, writes (19 October 2016):
I think tisha hit the nail on the head. lol I have had a few lovers in my life, and i have say most of them were clueless as to how to get my juices flowing (yes I am single) lol. All women realize that you guys need sex, women love having sex too. And if she is telling she is bored that means your boring her because your caught up in the hype and not connecting with her. I am not trying to beat you up, but you're going to have to change your approach or lose your women. To do this, just slowly stop talking about it, calm down and hold your gf at night tell her it doesn't matter if you have sex, but you want her to be happy. Don't say anything else. Mean while read a book or two about the female body and when your having sex and you sense she is becoming arouse don't get to excited just keep doing whatever it is that you are doing , the only time to speed up is if she tells you to, matter of fact might want to go even slower, do not mash on her clitoris, it is a pussy ya know they like to be teased and tickled. The clitoris is women's dick and you must get the head to come out and that does not happen when you're rubbing to hard. If she likes the lights off don't bitch, first you have to show her you know how to please her, Most importantly be playful but serious. Believe me you will feel like a king. Get it..lol
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Find out if she's having orgasms. I'm not joking. She may not be and has been lying to you to protect your feelings.
If she's bored and you've been trying kinky sexy things I'm pretty sure you two are not connecting in the way you think you are in bed. She's putting up with "kinky sexy" just long enough to get you off then is over it.
If you'd been told that sex was the most amazing thing and over and over again you excited then let down, wouldn't you get bored?
My guess is that she doesn't need new positions, she needs to learn what an orgasm feels like....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2016): When people have uneven sex-drives, you can't just give up without trying to determine if there is a physiological reason; or if there are unresolved relationship issues that turns one partner off.
Guys tend to shutdown and not talk about our feelings. Females don't mind exposing their feelings and verbalizing their emotions. So, if you aren't listening or take flight when your girlfriend wants to discuss problems in the relationship; she has a way of showing you the consequences. It's hard to feel sexy with a guy who doesn't give a shit about your opinions, gets-off and rolls-over, doesn't ask you what your day was like, forgets your birthdays and anniversaries, has no idea where your G-spot is; let alone what it is. He never takes you out for entertainment, cracks mean jokes about your body, never compliments you, never brags about you to his friends, cuts you off before you can finish a sentence, has body odor, bad breath, dresses like a bum all the time, has no sense of fashion, eats like a pig, never holds her hand, never gives her hugs; and never gives her flowers and spontaneous gifts.
Guys like the above are boring dudes, and expecting to be rewarded with sex might be pushing the envelope. Telling a woman you fantasize about other women is equivalent to being told she wished you had a bigger dick. It's hurtful and mean. Perhaps that's your problem. You say things and don't know, or care, how those words affect her feelings.
If it's physiological, it could be due to depression or a side-effect from a medication. She may also feel a little creeped-out by your sexual-experimentation. Kinky for you may be icky for her.
Maybe the relationship has run its course, and she just wants to move on. Women don't usually have a problem explaining how or why they feel a certain way. If she has tried to tell you, and you won't listen; she'll finally get the courage to decide to just break-up with you. If she is looking for marriage in her near future; she may be getting bored with waiting on you to show some sign you want to move to the next level.
I think she's thinking about moving on and looking for something leading to marriage and a family. Kinky might be just too much, and everything else you offer just may be too little.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (18 October 2016):
 It could be a lot of things. The best thing is to talk it out as you have tried. What you need to work into the conversation is that you are not happy in the relationship. That you need sex in any relationship to be happy. And that you are unwilling to stay in an unbalanced relationship where one person is responsible for all the sex.
If she calls you a pervert the relationship is over. It was bait and switch from the beginning.
If she promises improvement but nothing happens the relationship is over , Bait and switch.
If she honestly tells you how she feels about sex then there is a chance, if you can find a compromise that keeps you both happy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 October 2016):
 Suggest to your GF you two take a month of sex. If you don't live together then set up date night where you go HOME alone afterward.
Telling her, you fantasize about other women will do one thing and one thing only - hurt her feelings and make her feel inadequate which will NOT lead to a better sex life. AT all.
Or simply have a chat and tell her, "I dunno" can't fix the problem we have, so let's TALK about it.
If she refuses, well maybe that's what she was looking for, a way out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2016): Hi Anonymous!My apologizes your having difficulties with your sex life. Sometimes women sex drives are related to stress of our day to day functioning. Do you know if your girlfriend is having challenges at work, with family, or with friends? I don't think telling her about your fantasies because she isn't doing anything anymore is a healthy solution. Especially if you if you asked offered to suggestions to spice up your sex like and she said I dunno know. I would suggest being patient with her until the excitement of sex is introduced back into the relationship. But if you need to more from her to keep a level head. Try engaging her in your sexually fantasies. Like watching sex tapes about your fantasies with her and using sex toys, edibles, or even role playing together to make your fantasies come alive. However, I have to warn you that not every woman like sex fantasies.
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