A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Agony Aunts, Uncles,I really need some perspective and help with my relationship. I caught my GF flirting with someone, proposing to meet them through Twitter and even talking about getting together when I die (I have cancer) a few months ago.We got into a big argument and she let slip, she'd done it before while we were together but that she stopped it. It turned out she had done the same thing to a previous partner and I found out she has been sexually active with 18 people. (She told me about it very matter of fact).I don't know what to do, she says she loves me but wants my last days to be happy. But they aren't because of her sexting and flirting.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): I would not want to waste whatever time I had be it 1 day or a hundred years, with someone who is already making plans for after I'm dead!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): Now that you know a lot more about her, and what she has been up to; perhaps it would be less stressful if you didn't contact her for awhile. Some people don't know how to display the appropriate emotions under certain stressful and highly intense situations. They confess things and/or say things with very poor timing.
You discovered she was flirting and setting-up arrangements to see someone else. You didn't let her go. Holding on to her after that was your own choice. Some of the pain you feel is somewhat self-inflicted. It's too much to handle under the circumstances.
You may have been in denial about her character all along; or too naive to notice she's no angel.
Your post is rather to the point about your girlfriend; but it says nothing about you. How long have you've been ill? Why does she think you're going to die? If you know this now, why are you still calling her your girlfriend?
You obviously idolized her and placed her up on a pedestal. This is apparently the first time you've seen her for who she really is. Your feelings for this woman are so strong; you've totally ignored many signs that couldn't really be that easily hidden. You wanted to be with her so badly.
I think you have more serious health-issues to contend with. I think it might be helpful that you get some professional counseling; because such stress is not good for someone battling cancer.
You have to accept that this woman is a lost cause; and turn to your friends and family for comfort and support.
Any continued communication will only make you feel worse. No contact is your only option. Continue, and you might thrust yourself into depression. That would not be good.
I am so sorry to hear how she hurt you during such a serious time in your life. These unfortunate things do happen; but you turn to your family-support system when they do.
You can't undo her past. That was before she was with you. What she says to you now, is confessed out of guilt. She seems to be somewhat ignorant, and unaware of how this is effecting you psychologically. I believe there is a great deal of naivety on your part in all honesty. You built this woman up to be someone she isn't. You may have ignored all previous signs your relationship was in trouble. Now you want her to show grief, remorse, and sympathy. Maybe she can't. She may not be that kind of person.
If in fact you're facing a fight for your life. A cheating girlfriend is of no importance compared to that.
If you are actually facing your final days, you should forgive her; and make the best of the time you have. Don't torment yourself pretending that you can deal with having her around, send her away if you need to. She seems somewhat apathetic, and you're trying to draw emotions from her that apparently aren't there for you. Sympathy is probably the best she can do. You want a performance of shame and remorse. Which may not be likely.
Keep up the fight for your life! Please please take my suggestion on the professional counseling. You are under far too much pressure to handle this all on your own.
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