A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi , my girlfriend says that i mean as much to her as her mates do and that we are equal but i know that i could put her before any of my mates or family. Is it selfish of me to feel hurt? should i rethink my views on friendships. I remember someone said to me 'There's nothing wrong with maintaining friendships as long as it's not at the expense of allowing your romance to grow.' Im not saying i dont want her to see her mates any less than she would normally i just dont like feeling that i am equal to her friends , i feel that it makes me more of her friend than her partner. She also would get married to me if i wanted to and i know its way too early for that but how can i marry someone that can't put me before anything?? Any help and advice or experiences would help me lots, thanks. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): You don't want to be getting into a heavy relationship at your age, the world is your oyster and why get tied down with just one girl now. She has friends who she is really close to and say you are as close as them, that is great. Just go along with it and enjoy life. Nothing too serious yet. Life is too short. There will be time later on to settle into the more serious side of a relationship.
Take care
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): You don't want to be getting into a heavy relationship at your age, the world is your oyster and why get tied down with just one girl now. She has friends who she is really close to and say you are as close as them, that is great. Just go along with it and enjoy life. Nothing too serious yet. Life is too short. There will be time later on to settle into the more serious side of a relationship.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (16 January 2007):
 Saying you mean as much to her as her friends is a HUGE compliment! The thing is at your age is that relationships rarely last forever and therefore you have to stay on excellent terms with your friends as well, not just for this reason but just because they're such a huge part of your life. It's quite likely that you mean even more than her friends but that she doesn't want to say it for fear of scaring you away/ making the relationship move faster. The longer you're together the more your love will grow. Whatever she feels it's just a matter of time. Hang in there.
CD
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A
female
reader, Lilly223  +, writes (16 January 2007):
 At your age, your mates should mean as much as your bf/gf does. That means you have your relationship in good alignment and in a place it needs to be... it is healthy to have friendsihips outside of a relationship! It sounds to me that you are feeling a bit insecure or possibly neglected. SHE is telling you that you ARE important to her because you mean as much to her as her mates do. Girls at this age cherish their friendships with other girls, you should be taking it as a compliment that you are that important to her. Being a partner IS being a friend. Would you want to be her bf and not her friend? That doesn't make much sense. It sounds like you are taking this relationship very seriously, and that is a good thing, but I also believe that you need look at it for what it is... a teenage romance, not an adult looking for a life partner romance either. You are too young to be placing this kind of serious expectation on a relationship... if that is what it turns in to a few years down the road then fine, but you can't force her to place the same expectations (eventual marriage) on this relationship as you are... you are both too young to be even thinking about that at this point in your life.
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