A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 5 years suddenly said she didn't love me anymore (things changed in a matter of days from perfect to this, though she refused to have sex with me for quite a while, even when I offered her oral unconditionally) that she had no idea why, and that she thinks the pill burned her out (because she never managed to take it regularly and had weird on-off stages). Later she told me it wasn't that I wasn't attractive to her, it's that she was a lesbian. This was about a month before our big trip together we'd been planning for over a year. I convinced her to still go, because the tickets weren't refundable, the house was booked with a deposit, and she needed the vacation with or without me.Even closer to the trip she tells me she's afraid of flying. I remark that she went on an even longer plane trip a few weeks prior. She agrees she's being silly.In the next few weeks she burns through most of her vacation time on nothing in particular, just leaving work early etc. She tells me that she cant get the time off work to go. Manager interjects and says that he'll allow it if she can handle the lack of pay for a couple days she cant cover. We both just got our tax refunds, and since the whole trip is pretty much paid for anyway, it's cheaper for us to just go.4 days before the trip she tells me that her grandmother (whom I actually visit more than she does. She doesnt tell me she hates her, but let me put it this way: on her birthday she mailed her a card, and I hand-crafted her a bracelet and delivered it to her personally. She lives in the same city as us.) is having troubles reminiscent of the last time she had cancer, and the dr. appointment is during the trip. She makes the claim that they've tried everything to get the appointment moved up but cant, and if the news is bad she'll get rushed in to surgery immediately (seems like a contradiction???). But nobody can argue with that excuse because to do so would be monstrous, so she doesn't go on the trip.I find out from her brother that her grandmother didn't want her to come to her appointment and instead she spent the day lounging around at home (meaning that she never even talked to her grandmother about it before hand or she would have known her response) and the Dr. appointment was routine anyway with a clean bill of health. When word got around that her grandma was fine she suddenly felt obligated to join me mid-trip. To my surprise she actually seemed to love me again, even in private- but the second we got home, she told me that if I didn't quit my job and find a better paying one (I make more money than her and all the extra goes to utilities and food), throw out my video game (not even a plural here, I'm not a gamer. Its just the only channel I have to interact with my brother, who lives elsewhere. We played video games together growing up and it seems fitting that we continue to do so). I dont see her problem anyway- I am more active and ambitious than her in every conceivable way except bar-hopping, because I dont drink.Dont get me wrong, I love her. So I printed my resumes and everything, but I didn't take it further than that because she started avoiding my kisses, then avoiding my hugs, and then she didnt even come home most nights. Did I mention that before our vacation she got me wrapped up in a home improvement project- replacing the carpet in the master bedroom with hardwood? I had to finish it, even on days I didnt see her I worked on it, spending hundreds of dollars, and when I finished? She told me I'd be taking a different room in the house, and that she never really wanted to repair our relationship.I checked a receipt in a bag she brought home today. She's on the pill. The pill that she so teary-eyed told me ruined our relationship with chemical imbalances. I even covered for her shift at work on the day she ditched and got a doctor's appointment to prescribe the thing.(I guess they have no problem pushing up those kind of non-life-threatening appointments). She told me she was sick. She also left a can of shaving cream and a new pack of razors in the shower, and I've seen her armpits, it aint them.I dont assume I can control anyone, or that it's right to demand their love. But their respect enough to not lie to me and my family? Yes. Is that so much? I get a knot in my stomach every time I see someone lie to me, that I used to trust. She's probably demonizing me to her new boyfriend. The thought of which makes my blood boil, because when she started dating me she told me that she and her boyfriend at the time we're in the process of breaking up, and that he was a complete bastard that practically raped her and beat her most nights. How I was mislead. I found him on facebook and he is practically a teddy bear.Did I literally just waste 5 years of my life to a user?
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ambition, at work, cheap, facebook, grandmother, lesbian, money, the pill, video games Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2012): it's always hard being the one who gets dumped.it's not right and it's not fair, but we all accept that being with someone who doesn't want to be with us is to not be with them at all really.life is way too short to have a "going through the motions" relationship because of habit and convenience.you know that isn't what you want or need, and you doesn't sound like you are going to get it in this relationship anymore.for you everything has turned around very quickly, but for her the thinking period has been much longer and more considered, but it has taken her months to get around to vocalising it. you have been disappointing and irritating her for a while i would imagine.don't try to understand or rationalise her reasons, cos they may be an effort to spare your feelings or her to avoid confrontation with you. so not necessarily the real reason.i imagine what you really want in a relationship is to be loved, respected and have a future that you can both share and enjoy making it happen. this is not that relationship.you gonna have to get over her fella, cos she will become less tolerant of your questions and harsher in her replies and in the end for you it will be hurt piled on hurt. so prepare to be upset cos someone finds you lacking and doesn't want you, but you are honestly better off cos it leaves you free to have your life go in interesting and unexpected directions and you will meet someone else.it's not five years wasted, you had good times, and what you go through now adds to your character and will make you a more resiliant individual.take care.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (11 June 2012):
 I am sorry you are going through this, but it happens. You must realize that whatever stories you have, the fact is that she has fallen out of love with you. Accept what she has told you, as hard as it may be, and try to move on. If she has someone else or she is a lesbian...look at it like she has done you a favor by being honest with you. I know it hurts, especially after a realtionship of 5 years, but you have to deal with it and move on. Don't try to analyze her every behavior and how it is an insult against you or how she has done wrong. She respected you enough to be honest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2012): What you are describing is a horrible manipulator, lier and cheater.
I m trying very hard to understand here why on earth you still want to be with her.
5 years is not wasted. You had your good times with that woman, you learned a lot how people can turn out to be, but now it's OVER!
Do you want to waste more time on her, because now you definitely waisting your time.
She didn't come home most of the nites?! I cant imagine not coming even one night to my boyfriend, what am in supposed to tell him?
And why on earth would you let her manipulate you like that? Go on vacation by yourself, dump her before that, come back back and find someone good and loyal to you. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, topshot_1  +, writes (11 June 2012):
You pretty much answered your own question my man. Its easier said than done, but you have to step outside the box. If this type of relationship happened to your own friend or brother, what would you advice him? Weigh the factors closely with an open mind before you take the appropriate steps of breaking it. She is definitely busy with someone else and is putting effort and making it obvious for you.
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A
male
reader, tonystarkben  +, writes (11 June 2012):
 I feel for you buddy. I was with my ex for 4 years and we lived together and had a dog and one day she decided she didn't love me anymore and moved out. It was hard.I can't put myself in your situation but if a girl is like this then i honestly don't think she is worthy of a good person like you or your love. They wouldn't mess around with your feelings otherwise. Just let her go. i know it sucks but i did it and now i am with someone so lovely, and looking back i got through it ok.Good luck pal, you'll be fine.
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