A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 2.5 years told me she isn't really attracted to me anymore. We have a 22 month old son together. In the beginning, we were inseparable but not so much anymore. She has gained a lot of weight since the baby as have I and we're both not that happy with our self-image. We argue sometimes and she's almost moved out a couple times. She says I'm not motivated and not fun to be around anymore. We hardly do anything intimate anymore and I feel like she doesn't respect or appreciate me much. I want us to be a happy, loving family in the end. Is it hopeless? Should I just give up and realize it's over?
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Hey man i suggest both of u to get on a fitness n nutrition plan together. Consult with a trainer and get advice then join a gym n be workout buddies motivating each other. Im sensing u guys just need to get back on track healthwise. Really nothing makes me feel better than knowing im giving it my all n then some with the weights. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): "I want us to be a happy, loving family in the end. Is it hopeless?"
Seems that way. Happy loving families usually begin with two people getting to know each other, falling in love, planning a future together, making a lifetime commitment to each other, making a home in which to raise children,
and then having children.
Happy loving families rarely begin when infatuated virtual stranger knocks up infatuated virtual stranger almost immediately out of the gate. Now the glow has worn off and you're seeing each other as you really are, you aren't compatible but you're tied together for life as co-parents. Poor kid.
"Should I just give up and realize it's over?"
You should realize it's over but you can't just give up, you have a kid so baby mama's in the picture to stay, though you really never were a couple.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2012):
 So find some things you two can do together to lose weight, something that will be fun.
Seems to me that you two are in a rut and rather play the blame game then make it work.
Make sure you two still socialize like you did before the child and that SHE gets some "me-time" away from the bay as well. Mom love their kids, but they ALL need a break now and then. Just to keep that sanity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): "She says I'm not motivated and not fun to be around anymore."
She's told you what it's going to take OP, are you going to fix that or are you going to cut and run?
Is there anything sexy about a person who lacks motivation? is there anything sexy about gaining a load of weight and being lazy? Now when I say lazy you could be working 12 hour days and being a father in the evenings and still be lazy.
Kids are a huge drain, a fun, beautiful drain but a hell of a lot of work so you both have an excuse for being a bit lazy and well she also has the excuse for gaining a bit of weight but you need to get up off your arse, start working out/playing a sport, take a bit better care of what you eat (not a diet) and that will help you rediscover your mojo, confidence and motivation.
Do all this OP. Set about improving yourself, your body and your confidence and see what happens after that. It will take a while to get there but it'll be worth it. If that doesn't change things then it may be time to reconsider your relationship. But cutting and running without at least trying to fix the things she told you are wrong is not going to solve anything is it? If you need anymore motivation to get this done then think of your child, that child deserves a father who will fight to keep his family together, to keep his family happy and healthy, and will only have leaving as a very last resort once all other options have been exhausted, right? That's what makes the difference between a good father and a great father isn't it? A good father will always provide, protect and be there for their child. A great father will fight with every inch of his being to give the child the best chance of a long happy life.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 HI
No dont give up just yet, You say you have a 22 month old, that in it's self is prabably putting a strain on things, could she be suffering with post-natal depression? Also you say you have both gained weight and not happy about this, Why dont you start a healthy diet, and join a gym, it will be a start to the path of you both sharing again, which in turn will slowly build up both your confidence in eachother again.
Are you helping her enough with your child and chores of the house? this aslo will bring her down if she feels like she is doing everything on her own, a case of ( if im doing all this myself, as may aswell be by myself) So before you just give as you have a child together , really put all you have into the relationship first.
Mandy x
Mandy x
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