A
male
age
36-40,
*TX
writes:I'm 24 and my girlfriend is 19. We've been dating for 7 months and just moved in together 2 months ago. We have had periods where we have had a lot of sex, but here recently it is just about 1-3 times a week, usually on the lower side. The thing that really depresses me is that my girlfriend masturbates on a regular basis, but says she is not in the mood to have sex with me later. She tries to keep it private, but I generally know when she's done it. I just don't understand how she can feel sexual enough to masturbate, but not want to have sex with her b/f. Please, any help would be appreciated, this is really hurting our relationship, which sucks because everything else is great between us.
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in the mood, moved in, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I have got intimacy problems and never get much pleasure out of sex - I do it to please my partner. She may fall into this category and just can't be bothered; it doesn't mean she is a dud it is just going to mean that you need to tread carefully when trying to work it out.
FYI 1-3 times a week is pretty good, most of my friends woudldnt sleep with their boyfriends that much!!
A
female
reader, T-Marie  +, writes (12 August 2010):
 I think the best thing you could do is to just be honest with her. Talk to her in a calm environment and just express what you feel then give her a chance to do the same while you listen.
Successful relationships are built alot around communication.
xxx T
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A
male
reader, LTX +, writes (11 August 2010):
LTX is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe has masturbated in front of me once, but didn't even want me to touch her and was watching a porn on her iphone. This, I didn't like at all and she just stopped because she could see that it was bothering me. I just don't know what to do. I try to initiate sex and she says she doesn't feel like it, but I know that as soon as I leave for work at night, that she's going to do that and then when I come home she will be too tired because she has to get up early and go to work.
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A
female
reader, T-Marie +, writes (10 August 2010):
Hey there, This could be a simple problem, Women when masturbating obviously know their own bodies, we can generally bring ourselves to climax alot quicker than if somebody else was touching us.The best thing i think you could do is to set up a nice evening without her knowing, run her a bath, light a few candles in the bedroom, put on some music that you both love and when she is somewhat in the mood, just ask her to show you what she likes, let her start to masturbate but then get her to hold your hand and use yours to stimulate her.This way you get to learn exactly what she likes and you aren't being left out. Hopefully this will progress onto intercourse :)You can also do this to show her what you like, if you are masturbating, put her hand in yours around your penis and then she will learn the movements you like, speeds and rythms.I hope this helps xxx T Does your girlfriend ever masturbate in front of you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2010): Talk to her...maybe she just doesn't get how you feel. And I have heard lots of people, male and female, masturbate instead or more often than sex because it's just physical, less of having to make the effort for the other person. They can just please themselves. Takes less effort. But it's really not fair to keep doing that to you...good luck.Otherwise it might be time to move on if she doesn't understand it hurts you.
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