A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, i've been dating this girl for just over a year and i just caught her in a lie. Last week i was at work and she told me she was going horseback riding which didn't bother none cause that's what she loves to do. Only today i decided to get snoopy and check out her texts (only because she's been getting texts by females that have a crush on her, and she told me about it so i was curious because she has been with girls in the past) and i seen one of her sent texts saying "If (my name) asks i went horse back riding with you today". I wasn't worried about the person she goes riding with either, he wasn't an issue, he's old. Well I had proof so I confronted her on it right away. Of corse she got mad because i snooped. Her answer to it though is he cancelled and she just went to the bar she works at and hung out with a friend. My question is why would she lie about that, it just seems very fishy to me. she said she thought i'd get mad cause she went to the bar cause she does go often. I'll tell you what, i'm a whole lot madder that she had to lie about it than if she would have just told me. But I still question if that's what she really did and if so what a dumb thing to lie about. What really ticked me off is the of the horseback riding we played horseshoes and i work early and i wanted to go home afterwards but she felt the need to go out some more. I was disappointed with that because I only got to go to bed with her 1 out of 8 days because of that. she works til bar close and she goes out every other thursday (which I'm kinda ok with). I'm a pretty sensative guy and i love every moment i can get with her. before this i'd say our relationship was pretty sound. a few bumps of course but you'll have that. I don't wanna lose her because i love her very much, but i'm now going to have a lot of trust issues now. So the advise I'm seeking is should i just drop it and say sorry for snooping or push the subject some more and face the consequences. I know this was kinda long but I appreciate and help in this matter, thank you.
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male
reader, CCC  +, writes (11 May 2008):
Hmm, this is a tricky one. Because she will wonder why you were checking her phone, which will cause her to have doubts over whether she can trust you and also she will be aware that you obviously don't trust 100% to be checking her texts.
I agree that you should confront her about the situation and tell her that you aren't reassured about the answer she gave you and that if she respected she would tell you the truth.
I'd be very cautious with a girl who lies to you about where she is, you don't want to get hurt.
However it could just be a misunderstanding, it depends on what type of woman she is and how close you feel to her. Just don't let yourself be put in a position where you don't feel you can trust her, as it will destroy the relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2008): You've been together for over a year and this is the first time she's lied, and it was about something stupid, as you've said, so for you to "have a lot of trust issues now" is just more heartache for the both of you than this situation seems to warrant. Talk about it, and let her know you'd rather know the truth, no matter how silly it is. Let her know how you feel, and as long as she apologizes and promises not to do it again, just let it go. But as long as she doesn't make a habit out of it, don't let it destroy your trust in her. And if you think it has destroyed your trust, it is best to end the relationship now and save yourself the future paranoia and misery.
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A
female
reader, Chatterbox  +, writes (11 May 2008):
 Ask her why she lied?? If it is not a big issue then it shouldnt upset her. It is a bit strange that she gets annoyed with you asking question. Explain how you feel in this situation and try and mend things with her. Remmeber everyone makes mistakes and maybe it has just been blown outa praportion...Take care..Remmember there maybe better out there...
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