A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my girlfriend really love eachother... A While back we split up.. and she was with another dude.. and didnt think we'd ever get back together, though she tried. We've been back together now for about two months.. and she just told me that shes pregnated with that other guys baby.. im 20 and shes 18... she already has a 2 year old son we both love, and i treat him no differently than i would my own. What should i do?? Shes against abortion, but wants to do it to make things work.. she has cancer though.. and is going through rough times with treatment, Im worried if having the child with complicate it and ill loose her.. i cant let that happen, I love her.. and told her no matter what she decides ill be there. but what about having a kid of our own?? With two from different men! this is all way to much for me right now, i need advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Caring Guy is so right, I couldn't agree more. This is not a ' Fairy Tale ' she is one very unstable female, who doesn't even take precautions not to become pregnant, no excuse whatsoever.You are twenty and should be out in the world finding your feet, and enjoying life, travel, meeting new people, not tied down to a female who already has one child by another man, and another so it seems on the way - she is totally and utterly irresponsible, and if she is like this now at 18, my bet is, she will find herself in the this position over and over again. The tragedy though, she is bringing children into the world who have no choice as to the type of mother they have, and something tells me these poor children will not benefit form all they deserve in life, good solid foundations, responsible guidance, wisdom and sound judgement as a role model. Sadly they will probably witness many brothers and sisters from many different fathers.Sorry, but that is highly likely...it's called tough love, not to distort the situation, but to tell you as it is. YOU sound such a nice guy, and from your message, you too deserve something better for when you do commit to someone. Don't mean to be harsh, but no point in giving advice if one is going to sweep over issues. Really hope whatever you do, you find happiness.Jilly x
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 June 2010):
I think everyone here will tell you the same thing. You need to leave her. This is just such a mess, and I don't see this working out. She already has another child by someone else, which I can handle. But then she split up with you and rather than take any precautions got pregnant again by another man, and it didn't work out. So she came back to you. The problem is I worry that you're either being used because she knows you're willing to take this on. The other problem is that all those problems you had before will still be there. And to top it off, you are right. What if you two have a child. What happens then? Will you start to favour that child? Will you be stricter with that child because it's your own, or stricter with the others? How will you afford all this? There are so many different questions. If you do this, there is such a huge commitment that has to be made. And if it all goes wrong, you'l lose the lot and have no rights to see the children. And let's face it, if it went wrong once and she got pregnant by another guy, there is a high chance it will go wrong again and she might have another accident. I think you're a young guy, and I don't think this is something you need in your life right now. By the way, are you sure she has cancer? Have you been to the doctor with her and such?
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A
female
reader, oneshotofblonde +, writes (30 June 2010):
hello! unfortunately this is not about you right now. it's always health first, and her health is at stake. it's not your decision either.. it's best to get a doctor's advise on whether or not she should keep the baby in her condition.
if you love her, you just gotta stick with her and let her get through this. try not to make your unhappiness something she has to worry about too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2010): Aww this is a tough situation. I have a friend who dated a girl all through high school, she was his first and only love. They broke up right after high school and during that time she slept with another guy and got pregnant with twin girls, had the babies and the whole time was friends with my friend. Well she ended up breaking up with this dude that got her pregnant and getting back with my friend. Now they are together but he confides in me often that it's rough on him because although he does care for her girls they are just a huge reminder to him of their past, of her leaving him and getting pregnant by another man. So it's up to you, if you think you can handle helping her raise another child that's not yours and you won't look at this baby and see this other guy and have a problem with it then go for it. But there is nothing wrong with deciding that this is just too much for you and going to find a different girl who will be a better match for you in the long run.
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