A
male
age
41-50,
*miamuppett
writes:My girlfreind and i have been together 5 months i love her very much and she says she loves me but the problem is we got together 5 days after she split with her ex of 4yrs. He was her 1st love and i understand he will always have a place in her heart. I have supported her throughout and cuddled her when she has cried about her ex. The problem is she says she wants to let go but she constantly rings him sends him pictures of her new haircut and even invites him to come round our house to be fair he hasnt been round but only coz he has never taken up the option. we have started to argue a lot about this and she has even taken to lying to me and contacting him in secret. I feel like she doesnt want to get over him and wants to keep him close. its killing our relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): I have girlfriend who initially slept with a man for three months. That was 13 years ago! She called off the relationship 3 months into knowing him. She has had a string of one night stands along with other boyfriends only lasting 3 months over those 13 years whilst this guy swims around her like a shark in the water threatening her.For over 13 years the man continued a relationship with her, even stalking her when attempts were to free herself from him. She called off the relationship due to violent mood swings MANY TIMES. RECENTLY a woman came to us about him. She had been raped by him. This became the wakeup call requiring my girlfriend to make a stand. Finally after knowing her for 12 months she has broken all ties with him. The journey has been hard but worth it. You see women along with men develop a sickness. You are the key to freeing her. Develop communication and consider am I prepared for the long haul. Is the relationship worth it?You have one thing in your advantage - her ex is NOT interested. Well I had more issues: My woman's obsession in not letting go, being in fear of him, long term control by him, sexual intimacy on and off that was sick, violent and fellow FOUR dog PET obsession.As you can see it was really uphill for me. But all said and done - she told me she loved me and I travelled with her for a year showing her the truth and freeing her from control and obsession as a MUTUAL RELATIONSHIP EXCHANGE PROCESS - OLD [this MAN] FOR NEW [ME]. You want me - then here is the cost for wanting me - my reciprocation was a stable loving relationship supporting her journey away from him. Clear goals were laid down along the way of EXPECTED changed behaviours and outcomes from her AT HER PACE for CHANGE. This satisfied her need to get free from him OVER TIME and my need from her to declare that her love for me was GENUINE and TRUE through goal structured CHANGES (evidence of that love to me).When romantic hormones die down I am a strong believer in ground rules about sexual intimacy. I know I'm entering some free wheeling too many liberal attitudes about sexuality - but groundrules laid here should HAVE BOTH AGREEING in the relationship. Result: UTTERLY happy, secure and contented - otherwise the relationship will end in hurt. My lady is getting free more and more. Her health has improved. Her self esteem sky high. Her happiness - a 9 instead of a 3.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): five months is nothing compared to 4yrs you havent told us why they broke up or how you 2 met. was it a fanciable thing from word go or did you 2 just meet. if you just met she still sees him as a challange and now she is with you thats more temptation to bring him back on the scene. if that is not the case then a comforting arm will do just aswell. what gets to me is the secrect messages why do that if you have no feelings for someone and i couldnt take the lies i would have to call it a day if someone lied to me that early. maybe she just wants him to see her in another way maybe he saw her as boring before and now sees her for something special. i think that you should get out of there sharpish but thats just my view. maybe im sad and boring but i couldnt take that amount of stress in a few months, that comes with moving in and a house and kids when your ready not this short period of time. please think it through she maybe your love for now but notfor all time unless you get it sorted
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): I know this sounds harsh but you need to finish with her as she is not ready for another relationship yet. Tell her to get in touch when she is over him.
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