A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is having bad dreams about our relationship. In her dreams, everything is fine with us until - an ex of mine shows up and gets my attention. She is extremely worried about me leaving her for an ex. She has not met my ex. Any ex. She's seen a picture of my last, which she felt a little insecure afterward. She knows I have no interest (insecurities might be a different thing here). I recently decided to burn every note, gift, picture, ect of my ex-girlfriends. I don't need them, I'm over it. I want to make this work, and I want her to feel unique. She doesn't feel unique. Honestly, she knows nothing about how my ex's were. I have never gotten into a conversation about it, she is not interested (or perhaps doesn't want me to know). I tell her everyday how special, beautiful, and smart she is. However, I also make her feel guilty sometimes (how her parents make her feel)- which I am trying to work on. She gets defensive about issues regarding other guys, which I'm not sure which of us is causing it (or why). I'm worried she's going to bolt- She isn't feeling unique enough, but she is deeply in love with me. I don't want to encourage the next level or us, if she is feeling unfulfilled. I understand how attachment can keep someone that shouldn't be kept, and I'm worried that our relationship will take a u-turn. How can I make her forget my past, just as I did hers? If it isn't the past eating her away, but insecurities, how can I make her feel needed and loved? Could it be her past? She obviously thinks of me as the one for her, the only one - and she shows it. She is just worried that I have had past loves, and she is no different from the love I once had. I really do appreciate any well constructive responses, thank you
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female
reader, j.c.d.l  +, writes (9 September 2010):
It just shows how much you love her so just keep on what your doing-reassuring her, tell her you need her to move on from that so you an both move foward, and that shes much better than your exes and you wouldn't leave her.(and make sure you don't) give her time and shell move on.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 It sounds like she's just feeling really insecure about herself in general. I'm not exactly an expert on how to raise someone's self-esteem, but I do know you can't raise her self-esteem for her. It sounds like you're doing all the right things though. I don't think this is about ex-girlfriends though, it sounds more like a problem with her own self-esteem.
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