A
male
age
36-40,
*odo85
writes:We're about to break up now and the reasons what she said:1. Distance (I'm in another country)2. my lifestyle, like I hanged out with my friends all the time, actually at every weekend almost and when she needed me I couldn't be there, actually we spent times together from Monday till Friday because every weekend she goes home to her family3. I relied on others so much, asking for helpWe talked a lot about our relationship. She mentioned about another man, she said all the good things about him, like whenever she needs him he can be there, she feels comfortable with him, he can understand her, they have similar thinking and so on... So she'd like to know more about him. But I don't understand why during this difficult time what I'm having right now she can't support me? I had surgery before and she's tired of me that I asked for help all the time but I couldn't do anything just making phone call because like I said I'm in another country and the problem was moving my stuffs to another apartment. Later on she said maybe it's better for us to be friends but that time I begged her for one more last chance to prove that I can change, she said OK but later, several days later we were talking about our relationship again and we wished each other happiness because she wants to move on and she wanted me to move on too, she asked me to let her go... I said OK, if you wanna go then I can understand it and respect your decision, all I want is to see you happy and smile. But she calls me everyday, asking what I'm doing, she said she still miss me and seems she doesn't know that we're about to break up because like yesterday she called me and firstly we were just talking normally then later on she said I must have good time now because I can go to another city and be with my friends and so on, but she can't because there's no friend who has free time to go out with her and she said the guy she'd like to know more went to work for 2 weeks and I said so that's why you're calling me because no people can be with you now? She said no... OK then later she said maybe I deleted her pictures and have new woman pictures already but I told her no, I still have all of your pictures... And later that day she called me again she said maybe it's better for us to be friends and she sent me a mail too, saying that maybe it's better for us to get everything over, thanks for your love and all the problems I gave. Maybe we can have a cup of coffee together if I can go back one day, maybe I'm just your passer by like your old girlfriends. I need a boy who can be with me, who's in the same city, meet always. But later I called her because I promised her when I finish my thing I'll call her so when I called her I said told her OK, if you said we better be friends then I accepted it, I don't want you to wait for me if you can't do it, just do your things... And she said so it means I don't love her now, I don't wanna try my best to go back to be with her? And I said I do love you but if you can't wait for me then just do your things. And she said you know I can't refuse you when u're acting like a baby, we're fine now. Can you say you love me? I said I love you. So overall hoping you can understand my situation because I really have no idea what to do now. What does she want? Does she love me? Or firstly she wants to make sure with that guy everything will be fine if she breaks up with me? So is she using me for this 2 weeks? She's calling me almost everyday and I don't know know what to say now... Please help me! Thank you in advance!*Update:She stopped contacting me, like not calling me everyday or texting me and several days later she contacted me but i didn't pick up her phone because i was sleeping already that time and i found out she sent me two e-mails and messages. Actually before she contacted me we talked online and i asked her this questions: By the way, I was talking to my girlfriend online ust now and I asked her this question: I wanted to know if you have had a lot of fun on all of the outings and dates we've been going on. Do you think before we started to casually seeing each other that we made a great couple in the past? And she told me we had great time honey... And I asked her this: If we made a great couple like you said and we've been having a great time then wouldn't it make sense to eventually get back together? And she said she doesn't know also she said love doesn't mean anything. And I said it's not about love only, it's also about feeling... After that she said maybe the place we live in or the lifestyle... She doesn't wanna talk about this, she doesn't like the long distance relationship after that she said she wants to go to sleep... So what do you think what's her on mind now? She said one more thing, there's one thing she doesn't like about another guy that he cares about his stuffs more than anything else and she asked maybe better if she's alone, right? And I didn't answered her this question... I have no idea what my girlfriend wants now.... She's giving me mix signals. The e-mails and messages she sent me:Dear, How r u doing? Why don't u contact me nowadays? Or r u already seeing someone? Just tell me the truth u really still love me that much? I feel we r not familiar with each other day by day,as strangers. I looked back all the years we had together and sth could still make me smile. Looking at ur laptop i even can imagine how u sit on the sofa and play games. Do u still remember how we played Need For Speed together? Dont u miss it? I don't know how our relationship turned into this way which i had never expected... I have no idea what does 2 years mean to u and me, i cant imagine how u gonna be like that time,will u still love me,or u gonna move on easy. U seriously dont have to apologize, after all i still want u to be good and happy. I cant wait for that long time, i mean i wish i could but i just cant. Have u ever heard of this? The biggest love in this world is to wish the one u love happiness. Sorry i cant promise u anything after 2 years, and i know u cant live without a girlfriend. So i decide to let u go. In other words, I set u free. I cant see u suffering. If this relationship makes both of us sad, why not just end it? I heard u may continue ur university life there and can start ur work as well, good for u. In ur life, i acted as a leader who taught u sth good that may be helpful for ur future, i feel really happy about it. Maybe ur next girlfriend deserves u when u become successful and mature, while i dont have that much luck to share ur success anymore. But i would like to be the one whom u can always trust and share ur life with. Always keep me informed with ur story in life ok? Even we cant be couple, we can still be brother and sister...I know u will accept if i wanna terminate this relationship, but until now u r still in my heart, so can u give me an idea what i should do?Id like to wait,but im afraid i'll get hurt again. I dont know which sentence from u i can believe now. I know nothing's ur fault,maybe i should blame on ur family by doing this,maybe i should just blame myself for loving u this much... U made me worried by not contacting me. Maybe u didnt receive my txt msg as well. Anyway, i was thinking if i quit, will i be happier? I dont know... I dont like long distance relationship...perhaps we should call it an end now really...Anyway if u got a chance to come back in Tianjin again, hope u still remember there's a Vivian who loved u really before...Baby, u know how sad i do feel now but good luck to u, and wish u happiness...And the second e-mail on same day just difference minute:Ok i regret sending u that email... Could u just come back for me? Even just for 1 week? i wanna touch ur warm face... But of course if u r seeing someone already plz let me know, i dont wanna be cheated... U should know im a good girl,so plz dont cheat me. Or if u feel we should end this relationship let me know too... And i've replied her this: Dear Honey,U know i'm learning something new day by day, trying to improve myself and like i said before be the man u've been waiting for and wished. I didn't see anyone because the promise i gave u i'll do it and i'm starting to realize everything. Don't u want a stable life without any kind of problem? This is what i'm trying to do right now to give u later, to share with u. I don't wanna be a child anymore, it's time to stand on my own foot now. But to do is i need to face all the situation i may have for a better future. I know long distance is hard but i hope u'll believe in me like i believe in u that u'll see what i can do for u, i promise my love won't change for u. People saying the more u're trying from ur heart the more u'll get but just the patience is playing here. I know my heart and myself if i love someone truly i won't let it go except if that person wanna go. I'm apologizing if i couldn't give u any good but this is i am, i can only give my love and shares it with u. Hoping u can understand all these, i'm busy these days but whenever i see ur call and ur message or if i finish my things earlier i'll contact u. Don't be afraid because like i said i'll be here for u. Right now be strong Honey! Try to experience and face the things, i mean look around what the people r doing and learn it to avoid any kind of problem for the brigther future, for both of us. If u stuck somewhere then tell me and i'll help u. Please after all this shall we be happy? I mean just let all these things go away for a while? We can decide later, just be happy right now. We can chat, we can talk, we can love each other....The messages she sent me was: Hi, how r u doing? Sorry for disturbing. Why don't u contact me nowadays? Don't u miss me or r u seeing anyone? Is 2 years mean we r over without any friendship even?And i replied her: Sorry, i was sleeping when u called me... I didn't contact u because i was doing something all the time. What do u think i miss u or not? How about u? How r u? What did u do nowadays? By the way, u know our dog gave birth to 3 small puppies. They're so cute!:-D And she said: What did u do all the time, may i know? Any new girl around u? I'm just little poor thing who lost boyfriend and nobody concerns. She's having a hard time. And i said: I went out with my cousins to another city to check some places for putting some stuffs like coffee and something like this. Yesterday we went to support poor people. Why r u saying that? I'm still here for u, didn't leave u. And u know i told u too i'm trying to be a man u've been waiting for, trying to make u proud. She said: Ok, sounds good for u. I have nothing to do everyday but read some books and eat. Anyway take care and good lick to ur career. Going to eat now. Good day.And later on i called her, ask her what she's doing and i asked her to call me later but she said she'll go out.... I said ok, and then i sent her a message asking her when she'll come back? Shall we chat when u come back? But she didn't reply me. Actually i called her earlier too but somebody else called me and i needed to hang up her. So what i'd like to ask did i do anything wrong? What should i do now? Why is she talking to me that way after she sent me those mails yesterday? Please help me!! Thanks so much in advance!;-) And sorry if this one will take you for a while to read all.
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male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (6 April 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI see... Actually i've read my post again and there was one mistake when i wrote this, not a mistake actually just maybe misunderstanding(after *Update word, between she contacted me and by the way sentence): i asked her this question, i mean i asked my girlfriend and not another girl.... And i've tried to convince my girlfriend and i'm trying to change, to be a man she's been waiting for but she said she's afraid she'll get hurt again and she doesn't believe in long distance relationship. Is there any other way to make her understand or believe my love won't change and i'll be back to her? To be honest she's my first real love, i mean i've never fought so much before for a love, this is the first time that i'm trying all the possible way to make her understand that even we're far away from each other, waiting is still worth because i really would like to be her boyfriend and later engage with her and if the situation is gonna be good then marry her
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): I see... Actually i've read my post again and there was one mistake when i wrote this, not a mistake actually just maybe misunderstanding(after *Update word, between she contacted me and by the way sentence): i asked her this question, i mean i asked my girlfriend and not another girl.... And i've tried to convince my girlfriend and i'm trying to change, to be a man she's been waiting for but she said she's afraid she'll get hurt again and she doesn't believe in long distance relationship. Is there any other way to make her understand or believe my love won't change and i'll be back to her? To be honest she's my first real love, i mean i've never fought so much before for a love, this is the first time that i'm trying all the possible way to make her understand that even we're far away from each other, waiting is still worth because i really would like to be her boyfriend and later engage with her and if the situation is gonna be good then marry her
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A
female
reader, Yetilicious  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Well, from what I've read she doesn't want a break up at all. She wants to be with you but is conflicted because of the long distance. Try to convince her that love is worth waiting for. She got upset at the idea of you with another girl, so when you contacted her and let her know you still want her and there is no one else, it likely eased her mind. And now she is trying to do the same to you, by not replying to your messages. I'd just give her some space and wait for her to contact you again. In my opinion she cares about you a lot and isn't going anywhere.
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