A
male
age
51-59,
*rw1972
writes:Hi, looking for a little advice really.Ive been dating for about nine months now, think the world of my GFBut..since we started dating she has gained, maybee 2-3 stone on a 5ft 9 frame. She has always been fairly large which didnt bother me, but now she is approaching obesity, she is out of breath with a simple walk as a result. So im kind of worried about her health as well.She occasionally says she feels fat, and of course i reassure her that she looks fabBut...the truth is that it is making me less attracted to her, i feel the same way about her, but definitely less inclined to be intimate. Ive actually started avoiding intimacy with her, which she may have noticed though she hasnt said anything.Should i broach this? or is it, as i suspect something that simply cant be broached?.I have a feeling that ill be torn to pieces for asking, but- i cant help how i feel physically. I know i should love her for who she is, i do!. I just find her far less attractive.Thanks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 December 2008):
I wouldn't tell her anything.
However much you sugar coat it "I don't want to have sex with you because you are too fat." will not go down well.
Instead, why not just suggest that you both do something to get fit.
My friends go salsa dancing, it's very romantic and VERY good exercise.
Get her into something like that and then dance around the kitchen (which you should empty of junk food) whenever you get chance.
It may be a good idea to wait until after Christmas as there is going to be so much chocolate around that it's going to be awful for her to cut down now.
New year, new start. She'll probably want to diet in the new year anyway with all those fitness DVD's being shoved down her neck.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Your feelings are understandable, and the problem is apparently worldwide. But determine what she is doing, or not doing, that is causing her weight gain. If you truly love her, do not criticize her about the problem, but actively begin doing whatever might reverse the problem - such as together improving diet, taking powerful walks, adding exercise to your lifestyle, etc. Do not focus blame on her, but say that you want to improve and maintain your own health as well. Make it something that you do together. For instance, you may be as likely to gain too much weight in the future as you progress in years - it takes greater attention to healthy habits to avoid the prob. I speak from some experience here, and I'm now very close to maintaining normal weight in my 60s. In my case, no more soda pop and less fast food, smaller portions and a lot of walking worked very well. Best wishes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lib1 +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Listen, I am thin and attractive. My ex of two years lessened our intimacy and you bet I noticed. He told me he didn't think I tried hard enough for him (wearing cute outfits, putting on more makeup, always shaving my legs, wearing sexier underwear) and it killed me. I had wished so badly he had made his negative feelings fun suggestions. For example he could have asked to do a special underwear trip and we could have picked sexy lingerie. Or said, "Hey let's both dress up for no reason to go to the movies." It truly hurt me then and I carried it a bit with me after we broke up.
Be delicate with this situation. Don't TELL her anything. Start eating healthier, start being more active and try to get her included in on it, DO IT TOO! If you just preach to her about healthy things it won't work. One good think my ex did do was include me with his work outs and showed me how to stay fit. Maybe this could be a new hobby. Enroll in kick boxing with her or intense dance classes. Something you can do together and share that's very active and disguised as just romantic.
If this still doesn't work and she just wants to be lazy. There might be something deeper going on. Something she might not be sharing with you. She might also be in a funk and she might just have a habit with gaining weight when she is feeling down about something. If this is the case and the things I said don't work to help bring her out of it. You need to start thinking about whether you want to be with someone who isn't going to take care of themselves. Who cares if they are overweight. Its really about taking pride in yourself and if she won't do it... even with your help, you have some thinking to do.
...............................
|
