A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have my girlfriend that is in crazy love with me, she just adores me so much and i love her as well, I'm 18 and she's 17. I know it seems that we're just two kids that are in just a phase of life then it'll go away but it's not, it has been 2 years we're both together and we're two really serious people. She is from a different culture but we don't care about that at all, she's Afghani. And we were always planning that once we both finish our studies we will get married. Now the problem is 2 months ago there's this guy that is out of the country, came for a visit and saw her in a wedding and went to propose to her and asked for her hand. That day all her family came up to her and told her to say yes but obviously she didn't want to but they all forced her and under a lot of pressure and because her mom was sick she accepted,(it wasn't an engagement or anything it was just a promise between her and the other guy).She accepted just for her family and mom but the second day she realised that she can't take it no more she was dying inside, no sleep, no eating. she couldn't, she was lost she didn't know what to do, she tried talking to her dad many times but he wouldn't listen and the last time she spoke to him he told her you have two choices weather you accept to go with that guy or we don't know you anymore. That day he kicked her out of the house but the second day she came back. She tried talking to the guy with who she's promised to, maybe that he would stop everything and help her out if he understands but he didn't agree to do this. She doesn't know what to do. i love her but she loves me way more and she cannot live without me. this girl and i want to be with her forever as well, and like i never believed in love cuz i'm the type of a guy who's really rough not romantic but she's ok with it but her, i love her like it's in the movies i don't even believe this. These days i'm trying to cut my talking with her but she keeps on texting me i tell her to stop so she can get used to this when she has to leave by the end of this year but she keeps saying no and we used to talk and text always 24/7 text messaging the whole day we would stop when we fall asleep. Now i just want an advice please because we love each other so much and we're suffering this way, the other guy is not in the country he keeps massaging her but she doesn't reply and she told him that she's in love with another guy but he keeps saying i have a good vibe from this marriage he doesn't wanna understand. Please tell me what to do if i should stay or just forget her. Thanks a lot and sorry for too much writing.
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (15 August 2011):
I agree the only option is she stand up before her father and tells him she won't marry the other guy and she will stay here. If she loves you she should chose a guy who loves her over a family who forces her to be miserable.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): In these types of cultures a promise of marriage which is not fulfilled can cause serious fights. If she backs out she will cause anger to her family and make her life with her future husband difficult because he will know that she wasn't agreeable to the marriage.
Being married to someone you don't love is something I know a lot about. It happened to me. I had an arranged marriage and it was horrible. I lost the love of my life because he too had to have an arranged marriage and no matter how much I wanted him to stand up to his family, I knew I could never compete against his love for them so I had to let him go.
Unless she is willing to stand up to her parents and stand her ground for HERSELF not for you, she is going to have a miserable life.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (14 August 2011):
If she's as in "crazy love" with you as you say she is, she needs to STAND UP to her family and risk loosing these people who are trying to FORCE her into a marriage to a man who she doesn't know based on old world beliefs that place their wants above hers. Adults make decisions based on their own needs, children make decisions based on the needs of others.
She needs to make the decisions and you need to decide if you're willing to step up and become the only family that she has. Personally, I look back at the relationship that I had at your age and am glad that I didn't get serious with that girl. It took MANY more relationships to find a woman that was mature and a great fit to share my life with.
The VAST MAJORITY of relationships that start at your age simply do not make it. Of all my high school freinds there are only 2 couples still together, and NEITHER of those relationships started in high school, but started in college. The rest have all divorced their college sweat hearts and are on marriage #2.
I hate to say this, but as painful as it sounds, I think you need to terminate all contact and let her live her life.
That's assuming that she can't stand up to her parents. If she elects to go on with this marriage you HAVE TO cut all ties so that you can heal and move on- if she marries this guy and still keeps you around that is CRUEL as you're not going to be able to heal.
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