A
male
age
41-50,
*rumbum
writes:My girlfriend of almost ayear told me she wants time and space to be on her own for a while. She has been very stressed at work, her 4 year old son gets sick often and her divorce is almost finalised. She has told me that nothing is wrong in our relationship that it is her and nothing that I have done. We both believe our relationship is special, that it was destined to be. We are very much in love and only have eyes for each other. Her family and friends like me and mine like her. She was in a 8 year relationship with her ex husband. Married for 3 years until she discovered he was cheating. Every man in her life has disappointed her. Her Dad was a cheater and she married a guy just like him. After her breakup from her ex husband she had been in two disasterous relationships until she met me. I am a different. I am loving, honest, dependable and trustworthy.We both have admitted that we are lucky to have found each other and only want to be with each other.Two weeks ago when I visited her at her house she broke it to me how she was honestly feeling. She said she was very confused and scared and she didnt know why. She said she had feelings for her ex husband but that she wasnt in love with him. She told me she doesnt want to be with anyone only me. That she doesnt want to be with her ex husband.since then I called her once and sms to tell her how I was feeling. Then two further sms to let her know I was there for her when she needed me to keep strong and she will get through it. She always replies with a 'thank you and I hope you are ok' before she sleeps.I want to respect her honesty and I want to give her some time and space to clear her mind and get her feelings together. The time apart and the uncertainty is tearing me apart. All I want to do is comfort her and support her. She is being very distant with me and I am very worried about her and our relationship. She is a selfless woman who always puts the needs of others before herself. In her job, her family, her friends, me and her ex husband. We have been in constant contact since the day we first met. Very little contact is a huge shock to my system.She has some insecurities about men and its only natural given what she has experienced. Every man in her life dissappointed her, except me. Sometimes her mind works overtime and she gets a little insecure about us as a couple. Apart from this everything else in our relationship has been perfect. This is the first crisis I have had to face with her.I really want to reassure her of my loyalty. I want our relationship to be successful. We have a lot in common and I feel it would be a total waste if we were to give up on us.What can I do to get us back to what we once were?What can I do to save this relationship?
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at work, divorce, her ex, insecure Reply to this Question
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male
reader, inhibited +, writes (11 April 2011):
 By deconstruct I mean disassemble what has happened, look at what has happened in it's most basic form, without any distortion you may yourself have placed upon events. (distortion that will increase over time by the way)"My girlfriend of almost ayear told me she wants time and space to be on her own for a while. She has told me that nothing is wrong in our relationship that it is her and nothing that I have done."And in the next breath you're asking:___What can I do to get us back to what we once were?What can I do to save this relationship?___She just needs time alone, give it to her and try not to stress too much :)
A
male
reader, drumbum +, writes (11 April 2011):
drumbum is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso some female advise on this would be most welcome thanks
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A
male
reader, drumbum +, writes (11 April 2011):
drumbum is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much that is exactly what I was thinking myself..but at times like these my insecurities get the better of my logic. I'm doing this because I love her. One question though. Exactly what do you mean by deconstruct what has happened? I have been running the series of events through my mind and just end up confused.
Thank you so much any advise would be much appreciated
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A
male
reader, inhibited +, writes (11 April 2011):
You said she is a very selfless woman, it sounds to me that right now (thankfully) she is being selfish and asking for what she needs. You absolutely must respect that and respect her wishes and not appear needy. She is about to close a very large chapter of her life by completing this divorce and it is natural for her to have some doubts about what she is doing even if her ex husband cheated and turned out to be the worse kind of person in the end. At some point she loved him or they’d have never got married and putting those feelings to bed once and for all is going to be tough on anyone.You asked 2 questions:-: What can I do to get us back to what we once were?-: What can I do to save this relationship?Putting aside your own thoughts that must be running amok with "what ifs" and "whys" since she asked for some space you need to deconstruct what has happened. She has for once been selfish and put her needs above yours. If you love her you'll suck it down and give her some space and you'll do this because you love her, right? -: You do not know yet that your relationship has changed.-: Nor do you know that it needs saving.Hang on in there and don't get any bright ideas about "just calling" or "just texting". Give her space just like she asked for. She sounds like she deserves it.
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