A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is bi-curious amongst various other sexual interests and as much as I want to support and make her feel comfortable about it, I can't stop myself from feeling helpless and insecure about it.I won't pretend, I am very much a worrier by nature and although everything in our 4 month relationship has been going really well, her fascination with sex and the importance she places upon it can often cause me to worry.Our sex life is incredibly exciting and great fun, and I have no real fears about my ability to satisfy her but I can't help but feel her sexual interests are often outside of anything I can do. She is now 20 and and has been aware of her attraction to girls since her early teens and whilst at school went on a number of dates with a girl and very nearly started a full relationship with her. Since going to university (where we met) she slept with quite a few guys who I happened to already know or have since met who she didn't feel for and they certainly didn't respect her in the way she deserves. For her it was just sex and I know it may be unfair for me to feel this way but it pains me to know she gave herself to guys who just got 'a piece of ass'. Apart from that she has also kissed a couple of girls.I feel terrible for judging my girlfriend for this and hypocritical as I have had more sexual partners than her but her obsession with sex is really causing me serious problems. I myself am also very sexual and have always been confident in the bedroom, having been complimented by previous girlfriends, and genuinely not trying to be boastful, well known as being good in bed. But weirdly this is the problem, I can't help but feel the foundation for my girlfriends feelings towards me are based predominantly on how good I am in bed and as she starts to feel more confident exploring her feelings towards girls, domination, piercings, tattoos and all sorts of other things I'll be left a bit redundant.I'm falling in love with this girl for who she is, her strong yet sweet personality, her smile and her mind and all those damned other things that make me powerless against reason I'm worried she just likes me for what I give her in bed. I'm scared with her growing curiosity towards girls even that wont be able to keep her with me.Don't get me wrong there is far more to her than just sex but with her history I don't know what will happen and if I tell her about my feelings am i being completely unreasonable, will I just hurt her feelings?Apologies for this essay but i don't want to lose her and i can't get this out of my mind, any help/advice or similar experiences would be hugely appreciated. Thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2007): You need to tell her about your feelings. Tell her your worries, tell her you love her. If she can't respect your emotions then it's better that it end now. It's ok for either of you to be sexually attracted to others as long as neither of you act on those urges. I hope this helps you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2007): perhaps my experience may help:
i have had MANY boyfriends - and a few (even some serious) girlfriends. i truely believe that EVERYONE has a little bit of curiousity. most people dont act on it. expressing her (taboo?) feelings is heathly though, as it would be more "dangerous" for your relationship if she had kept this a secret from you. for me, all it took was the right guy. men, women, whomever, i just wasn't interested in anyone else.
i think you'd agree that a woman's body is a beautiful thing. thats something you both can understand. if you feel that you may lose her to such "urges", try and share them with her. but only as much as you feel comfortable! it's OKAY for you to find other women attractive. scope for hot girls at the bar together, or if you're feeling adventerous, get some dirty girl-on-girl movies. you may be surprised how steamy things'll get. she'll really appreicate your efforts to appease her as well. (that makes any girl feel sexy!)
good luck to you!
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