A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my girlfriend says she needs space cause she is afraid of getting hurt and thinks she is destine to be alone i dont know what to do? i will give u a little back ground I am 33 she is 45 with 4 kids. her 1st husband was an alcholic abusive jealous control freak. and her last husband was a coc head who beat her choked her and constantly made her feel like a piece of shit. I knew her 6 years ago we met and I didnt think she liked me like that thought it was a fling but she did and i did but never told her. so that is where she met #2, he gained her trust and a month after they were married he cheated on her with one of her daughters friends. but she now hasnt been with him for 2 years but she still says he is a friend and he gives her money. she swears nothing else but she always told me how bad he treated her and she felt sorry for him cause he is unstable he threated a couple times 2 kill his self cause of her not talking 2 him. and to make that worse her daugter has had 2 boyfriends commit sucide over her. we have been 2gether for 4 plus months and have been talking for 7 months. we both said we love eachother and i said she is the one and she says i will b the only 1. she has told me all her fears but i reassured i am not like that. she sais i am the best she has ever been treated the best looking guy she has been with and when she kisses me it like no other. plus our sex life is amazing she says no guy has ever made her feel the way i have. and i actually feel the same no one has made me feel like she has. i do everything for her kids i always make sure she spends time with them. I help her clean and get groceries for her so she has more time. but she thinks if we see eachother everyday it is me trying to control her. she still worries about her #2 ex and what he will do if he knows we r together. he has called me and threaten to kill my family and burn my house down. she says it is my fault cause i called him and told him to quit harassing her and sending pics of himself with his shirt off saying i miss u. he always told me she is getting money from her and he bangs her when she comes to get the money. i dont believe him but when i say he says that she always makes excuses for him. he has totally brainwashed her and made her think she cant do anything right without him helping her. but now she has me and i have told her that repeatedly i would do anything in the world for her and her kids. i did check her phone cause i kept seeing him txting and calling her. she said she would take care of it but that went on for about 3 months b4 i finally did that. i thought i was protecting her cause she told me she was afraid of what he might do to her or family. she finally blocked his # but that night she couldnt sleep cause she was so scared he was gonna come to her house and do something. there is more stuff but i have said way to much but the bottom line is i do love this women and care for her and her family alot and i just want to make her happy. she has always wanted a normal husband or relationship where she can fully trust that person and i promised i could give that 2 her and more. it is like the nicer i am lately the more she pushs away. but 2 days after her saying i was gonna b her only 1 for the rest of her life she tells me she needs space. i always tell her how beautiful she is how smart she is and what a great mother and grandmother she is. please can anybody help me or have advice. I cant help the way i feel for her she gives me butterflies everytime i kiss and hold her. i do feel like i am supposed to b her hero and cahnge her life. i belive i came back in to her life after not talking to her for 5 plus years for a reason.
View related questions:
grandmother, jealous, money, needs space, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2011): Dude, ditch this chic. She is not worth your time. Unless you are looking to be her life long therapist, bailout man. You are being good to her, paying attention to her, it is not your fault her ex's are they way they are, and she shouldn't expect you to tiptoe around on eggshells in hopes of not offending an ex.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 November 2011):
 She is finding it very difficult to leave her past and look in to her future. She cannot let go of her ex, and she is now taking it out on you because he found out about the both of you. She still lets him control her, obviously she still has feelings for him. She knows she should not be with him because of the way that he treats her, but she just cannot let go. You are doing everything that you can to show her your love, but there is only one thing wrong in her eyes and that is that you are not her ex. She needs time to get over her ex. So if she needs space then that is what you need to give her. She does not sound ready to be in a relationship right now. She should really go and talk to a therapist about her past, plus if she is so scared of her ex then she should go to the police with a complaint just so they have it on record if he ever does do any harm to her. He emotionally blackmails her and she is not strong enough to stay away from him or say no to him. He still has control over her because he is giving her money, to be honest am not sure she could say no to him if he tried it on with her. She needs to break all contact with him or else it is never going to work with you both, no matter how much you love her, you cannot make her love you back.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2011): GF is plum full of abusive behaviours. She's a serial cheater. She uses sex like alcohol and/or drugs to distract from pain but creates more pain. She is caught up in a cycle of abuse.http://mfgmarriage.com/extra-marital-affairs-serial-cheater/You, you are attracted to her because you yourself are also an Adult Survivors of abuse/neglect/divorce.You think rescuing her will be what, rescuing your Mom, yourself? So if you can do this 'amazing' feat, your life and you will be worth something.Regardless of your past - you have ALWAYS be of worth. You are AMAZING and wonderful and deserve love, happiness just like anyone else. So stop believing that you don't.I also know that the GF feels the same about herself and that is what she is saying when she tells you 'she is afraid of getting hurt and thinks she is destine to be alone'.She is saying I have no belief I have any worth. I am damaged beyond repair. I need help but don't know how. I want to be happy but all I do is hurt. I can't see a way out. I need release from all this pain. I need rescuing from me and my self loathing, self destruction. May even believe if she could fall asleep and not wake up; its the best thing that would happen.Mind you, she may not be suicidal. She may still be strong enough to know that such an avenue is just not her way and she knows deep down, she is a fighter, survivor.GF needs to get help ASAP. She needs to be in an addictions recovery program AND counselling. But she needs to be shown such places are there for her.She may resist help right now, because she is so far gone into the darkness of her pain and self hatered. But when she has hit rock bottom- she may be better able to listen for help and WANT help.http://www.wearesurvivors.org/?p=1352The link is a current article I am reading. I am an Adult Survivor and find that this time of year, I need to re-read articles, books, journals and seek counselling to help me through it all.It is the greatest thing I could do for myself and my family and the generations that are to come. I have to stop the cycle of abuse.So do you.
...............................
|
