A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in high school, my girlfriend and I have been going out for like a month and a half now. I really do love her, but there has been some problems lately. Okay well, she's white and thinks she's black, she says she loves me, but is constantly messing with me by insulting me and she thinks she's being funny but it's really annoying, and today I stopped for one second to talk to one of my friends and she just keeps walking, so I'm like baby wait up! and she just ignores me and keeps walking home with her friend, so now I scream down to her and say WOW! like just being pissed because I was, what kind of girlfriend just walks away ignoring your boyfriend? Was she trying to be funny? So now I'm walking away pissed off and she turns around kinda laughing and yelling my name and she's like a hundred feet away and she's saying bye and waving so I'm just giving her a screw you look and just put my hand up and drop it like whatever. Now that never happened before, we always walk together half way to her house and say goodbye and kiss and stuff but, I just want some feedback on what do you think I should do? I swore to her I would never break up with her and I don't want to do that because we still have our good times, but is there anything I can do to make her a little more caring and a little less black? Thanks all answers are appreciated. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Ihavenoname75 +, writes (22 January 2010):
I'm trying to do the exact same thing right now actually. She's bailed out on like the last 5 things we've tried to do together, but she still wants my friendship. I still do too, but it's hard, when I make plans, they get broken, and I don't have anything to do. The key here is to, when you get frustrated by how she treats you, is don't play games by doing to her what she does to you; if you play games, it's gonna escalate into you guys bickering and blowing up. OR, she may take this as "play", she seems like she could, and go along with it unhurt, which is the purpose of your "games", then you'll get even more frustrated.
I would say to do this:
If you guys are at school or something again and she makes you feel unwanted, simply say "Remember this" Say it so she knows your hurt, but don't look weak or pissed. If she asks why, just say "Just remember this", then walk away like you've done.
She may or may not follow you, if she does, then tell her how your feeling by what she's doing and has done for sometime. Think of examples that don't necessarily make her a bad person, as it will hurt her feelings. Your need to be sincere, not pissed. If she tries to play it off like your joking or something, gently grab her arm and look straight into her eyes and tell her again. If she still tries to play it off, walk away; she doesn't get it yet. Or she may do it as you are in a public setting. After school, don't walk with her.
When you get home, text her or something and tell her you'd like to talk about earlier, person to person of course and privately, not over the phone. Tell her your feelings, and talk for a while, try to figure out what she's thinking is happening when she does these things, or see why she does it. She may be doing this because that's how she's been taught to show affection.
Back on that being taught to show affection, don't give her the benefit of the doubt with this, and don't tell her that you've thought of this. This kind of affection isn't worth it. Tell her that you love her, but that you are finding it harder and harder to love when she does these things.
If she doesn't understand or doesn't care, just say "Well I guess I'll see you later". that's the break up, or pseudo break up, you don't HAVE to break up. Be strong, your gonna miss her a lot! but you have to let her think about it by herself about what she's doing.
These days, I'm talking like an old man but I'm 19, girls expect 2nd chances. If you thinks she's gonna change or has changed, take her back. She may not come back, and you'll be ok too. If you get back together, give her ONE warning if she does it again.
Don't do anything if your confused in the slightest with what I've said. You don't want to hurt her in anyway other than feeling like she's done something wrong, and she has to come up with that thought on her own, with you providing your examples and emotions.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIhavenoname75: Wow thanks man you like know exactly whats going on, you really helped alot, and I understood exactly what you meant. I mean I think your right because whenever she's not around I miss her, but when I'm not around her, I don't think she really cares, I think she is kinda just using me, but is there anyway I can change this without breaking up with her, because I really don't wanna, but somehow you almost sound right that she doesn't mean it when she says she loves me. I don't know.
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A
male
reader, Ihavenoname75 +, writes (20 January 2010):
The purpose of a relationship at this stage is to have a good time, but it seems to me like your having more bad times than good times. I know what you mean by she's insulting, one of my friends always calls me a douche jokingly and thinks insults are a-okay. My opinion, get rid of her now and find someone who doesn't make you want to even think about breaking up. When you think about breaking up, that's sometimes a good sign that your relationship is one sided, which in this case is you holding the weight. No one should get ignored, or any of the things she did. She doesn't mean she loves you, she says that to keep you inside her lasso, so she has someone to fall back on, and keep falling back on. She's using you plain and simple, and she enjoys you being there, when your their, but it sounds like she doesn't miss you when you're not around. It seems to me like you can't fall back onto her with things are hard.
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