A
female
age
41-50,
*ik79
writes:StruggleI'm really in a struggle with sex in my marriage. I feel really pressured into having sex with my husband and I'm not even sure he loves and wants to be with me. We have both made our mistakes in this marriage and I don't about our future a husband and wife. When I don't feel secure in a relationship I feel like I'm pulling back sexually. I feel used just for the act of sex. Like he wants it all the time oral and regular and I just feel like he's using my body and forget about my feelings. Like he just wants to get a nut and go to sleep. He just needs a body to perform his duty. And I don't know how to express this to him so he can understand. I'm my past relationship sex was the only driving force that kept us together and I'm scared this will happen again. I don't even like giving him oral because I feel like a prostitute. He does like giving me oral, but I think he's more attracted to the whole act of oral and regular sex instead of me. What do I do? He has told me numerous times that he's not happy with our sex life and I'm scared he's going to leave me because of it. Help please!!!
View related questions:
prostitute, sex life Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (21 January 2010):
 You both, as a couple are normal, and just need true knowledge about sex. Here is some tips related to knowledge, and not technique.
[1] Sex is not just intercourse, or just oral, or just fingering. If you do it as a method of ritual or as a method of daily routine, then it is sure it will loss its meaning. All most all married couple felt their sex life became dull and meaningless.
{2}Please re-read this, your own saying, which I am putting here as a tips, 'And I don't know how to express this to him so he can understand. I'm my past relationship sex was the only driving force that kept us together"
{3}' TO KEEP TO-GATHER' or correct wording is ' KEEP UNITING' Really, this your own saying is the true meaning and also the true function of sex. But, the question is how to achieve this meaning?
{4} I am giving you quite new formulation that express the meaning best on functional level. It is this: SEX IS NOT JUST INTERCOURSE, BUT PLAY'
{5} If sex is play, and if you feel it realized, then see that all play has 'game point' and sex do have game point.
{4}Game point is your gain or orgasm, but you had not yet see or do not care to see it. Game point cannot be achieve following simple intercourse, or brilliant foreplay. If it is that much simple, then our humanity has much more literature and pictorial expression also, but it has no magic.
{5} Yes, sex have magic. Real magic. And its magic is also written in the very fabric of its nature. "EJACULATION' is magic. Block ejaculation in your foreplay. And, you will be able to experience the true wonder of sex in form of magic.semen is the root or cause of pleasure,so store it and not waste through ejaculations.
If you feel confusion for this point no5- then be specific after experiment ion and call my further explanation on the subject. It will be my pleasure to equipped you with knowledge and more tips.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (20 January 2010):
 The response from 'Angzw" makes good points. To me, it seems that this relationship needs much more friendship and sharing. To truly love and share exciting sexual intimacy, a couple must also be the best of friends. Then you become loving partners and all goes well.
...............................
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (20 January 2010):
I'm going to get shot down for this but let me tell you that if everything else in your relationship is fine and he is NOT being forceful, abusive or disrespectful to you, then just give him the sex. In a relationship, sex is to men what emotion is to women. If you reject him sexually then he feels like you have rejected him as a person. Unfortunately not every sexual episode in a marriage is going to be an emotional interlude. Sometimes its just a physical thing. You just do it because that is what he needs. Sometimes you even have to fake your enthusiasm. If you roll your eyes and look thoroughly annoyed he will still do it but it will be lousy for both of you. Now after you stop withholding sex, you need to speak up about what you need. You can tell him that honey, I miss emotional closeness during sex with you. I miss feeling like you are madly in love with me, the romance etc. It is a bad idea to use strong language like you make me feel like a prostitute UNLESS he is deliberately being abusive. If he is just unaware of what you need emotionally and sexually, then tell him without destroying your relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): If you are performing oral sex on him and don't like it, and you are having sex with him when you don't want to...then you are allowing him to use your body, absolutely.
You need to have a heart to heart talk about the state of your relationship, it obviously is not good. When your relationship is back on track, you will want to have sex with him...it's only natural.
Find a counselor to help the two of you figure this out...
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 January 2010):
 Your husband wishes you could enjoy sex with him. Sex is beautiful and every act should be enjoyed. It is healthy for both women and men to have good sex, at least release some sexual tension. He is not using you. In reality, he is frustrated why you cannot be sexually more open and adventurous. I believe you have to trully be attracted to a guy to give him oral. So I am asking you if you staying in a marriage because it is the right thing to do. Does your husband turn you on? Do you admire him? Like if someone else seduces you would you be tempted? Have you given yourself pleasure?
You are in a cycle of insecurity, bad sex, and more insecurity.
I believe your husband is trying a lot to make you interested in sex.
It is not helpful if you think sex is dirty, sinful.
A more important question for you is do you still have feelings for each other, outside of the bedroom?
...............................
|
