A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Recently when we were texting, my girlfriend got really angry and said some pretty horrible things about me while I tried to calm her down. I've never been one to take insults easily or very lightly. It's something I grew up with. Everyone in my household relentlessly berated me nonstop and since then I've always felt terrible when people would insult me. She knows this, but still said those things to me. She apologized since then and explained that she thought she was dragging me into a conversation that I didn't want to be a part of (which wasn't the truth at all) and just got mad. I'm really trying to forgive her, but I keep fixating on how terrible she made me feel. At this point I'm torn on what to do because, for all I know, I'm just being way too sensitive, but on the other hand the things she said to me hurt so much.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2015): This happens with me and my boyf probably once a month. It is getting me down, all I'll say is in my case I forgave him for insulting me and it has now become acceptable for him to insult me again. Some things just shouldn't be said, I guess it depends in whether you can accept she may do this again. I did and I thought I could handle it its only words. But deep down I am sick of it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2015): I was in this same situation. In my case, I spent too long trying to understand why my bf said what he said to me.
This is what I learned:
First, figure out if the relationship is worth it. Are there good redeeming qualities about the relationship and about her?
If you want to be with her, then see if she is sincere about her apology. The most important part after that is to see if she does it again. There are three parts to apologies: acknowledgement, the saying a genuine sorry, and the action to mend things (and if she does it again).
If she is sincere she needs to focus on not her intent but the result of the hurt she caused you.
Are you being sensitive? I don't know what she said or what your relationship is like. I don't know how you two fight. So maybe, maybe not.
But it's ok if you have qualities you look for in a lifelong partner. You yourself say that you have had issues with your family and are looking for the opposite in a partner? That's completely up to you and legitimate.
If you worry about being sensitive that's something to consider, too. On the extreme end of the spectrum, it's not ok to find fault with everything and expect everyone to apologize -at that point the issue may be with you.
Really think about whether she is worth it. If you choose to be with her, it's also a compromise. And taking the good with the bad.
(You're still really young, so no pressure!!)
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 August 2015):
 Her explanation seems a bit ridiculous, but I agree that it might help us to know what she said.
Has she done this before?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2015): I feel the exact same way that you do. A similar thing happened with this guy that I was seeing. I'm not "feeling" the whole "relationship" anymore. Just like you, I tried thereafter but I just could not. I think if someone can make you feel so low sometimes, why stick around? Because once it occurs, what's stopping it from occurring again? What's stopping them from hurting you, making you feel so horrible if they acknowledge that in the end if they just give you some half-arsed apology, you'd forgive them? It's obvious they benefit while we're left feeling like shit. And if someone really loves you, they'd try their utmost best not to hurt you. Food for thought.
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A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (8 August 2015):
It will be much easier to give you advice if you tell us what she said.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2015): How did she respond when you told her how it hurt you?
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