A
male
age
36-40,
*nicornsteak
writes:I've been seeing my girlfriend for about a year and seven months now. We've made it through a lot of issues, but lately it seems like steam is running out.She's a year younger than me (making her 21) but very sheltered during her upbringing. Hasn't been in a great deal of relationships (I'm her fifth relationship and by far the longest by at least 4 times the amount of time)Lately things have been getting worse and worse. She's become incredibly scatterbrained, more and more irresponsible and has seemed to pick up a nasty procrastination habit. On top of all of this, she no longer seems to respect or appreciate what I have to offer her as advice. Cases in point: A) I suggested we go check out winter coats while they're off season (and cheaper) in October. She's very firm that she doesn't need a new winter coat and the one she has is fine. Today she tells me she's going to look at winter coats tomorrow. Normally wouldn't bother me, but we're supposed to be saving money right now. There's nothing wrong with her coat that wasn't wrong with it 2 months ago.B)I suggested at least a few times over the course of the summer that she get her full G license out of the way. She's left it until next month when it expires, and now because of this she is frantically trying to find a driver's agency to book her when her schedule would allow. Turns out they have weekends open. I only ever get to see her on the weekend because she lives about a 3 hour bus trip away. So between now and January 14th doesn't leave too many options open. So now we don't get to spend new years together at all (I work on the friday following, she works new years eve till midnight).I love this girl, but this behavior and lack of responsibility is unacceptable. I'm tired of arguing about stupid little situations with her, and lately she's been taking the easy way out and squeaking her way out of conversations before we can reach any sort of conclusion. After a few hours she'll call again and her tone will be like nothing ever happened. I don't know what I can tell her, this isn't the person I fell in love with and it certainly isn't the person I want to devote my time and energy to if she isn't even devoting her own time and energy towards. We have been talking for months about moving out and I've busted my ass at work for the last 6 months in order to get a promotion (I've missed 2/120 work days and have not had a single day off for vacation). All it seems I'm ever repaid with is more stress from her, as if she's testing to see just how much she can get away with. I really don't understand her and I'm looking to get some additional perspectives on these issues, especially from females. What could explain these dramatic personality changes?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 Sounds like the kind of woman that doesnt like a man telling her (or suggesting) what she should do. If you are going to lose time over the New Year with her because she isnt organised then that is her doing and she should live with it. You obviously are too organised for her liking and it will become more annoying to you if you carry on with this relationship. You both seem to have a personailty clash. She sounds like she has had people running around after her for most of her life and isn't used to doing things for herself without a push, or last minute stuff. You could run round after her or not its your choice but it's going to be hard work for you whatever you decide. hope this helps.
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