A
male
age
36-40,
*ongdistancegk
writes:Should I be concerned with my girlfriend having a guy actively pursuing her?My girlfriend and I have been dating for 9 months and I recently started law school, thus making our relationship long distance by 2 hours. This is the week synopsis. Tuesday she attended her work orientation where she met a guy who is 8 yrs older than her. On Thursday night, she sees the guy at the bar and receives a ride home from him with her roommate. She tells me the story the next day, that he was from work and he gave her a ride home. Friday night she was out bar hopping again and runs into him again. My girlfriend became sick, vomiting from a stomachache and received another ride home from him, where he came inside for 5 mins. She tells me the story Saturday morning on the day she planned to visit me 2 hrs away. She also tells me that he told her that he really likes her and pretty much propositions her. She says to him "NO I a boyfriend."Upon, her arrival to visit me, I questioned her about this guy. She tells me, "Well I didn't tell you that I used to like him last year." I immediatley think she came up to dump me, so I get defensive. She admits how lonley she has been and that she misses me. We resolved the issue talking about our possible future together and how my time in law school will be hard on both of us. Sunday she leaves telling me she spoke with the suitor and told him she wanted to be with me. Sunday night, my girlfriend and I are chatting on webcam when she decides she wants to go to the bar with her best friend. I say have a good time, but I asked is the suitor going to be there? NO she replies. She leaves the bar after a short while and goes home.Monday afternoon, I tell her how upset I am that this guy is pursuing her and that it hasn't stopped yet. She then tells me that he came over last night to talk outside about his love for her for 10 mins. She told me she said "I have a boyfriend". Another instance, of her not telling me events as they occur, because she said she didn't want to add fuel to the fire.Am I being totally stupid or is this guy an A-hole for pursuing a taken girl and am I stupid for believing my girlfriend. After seeking adivce from the internent I concluded to brush it off and accept that my girlfriend is desirable. The only thing I can do is trust and love her. Please Help!!! This is killing me because I feel she had intent to meet him at the bar both nights, because she said she felt so guilty (like she was cheating on me).
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male
reader, longdistancegk +, writes (6 October 2009):
longdistancegk is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, after 10 months of dating we called it quits. She was upset at the amount of work I had to do and the lack of time I had for her. She really guilted me into coming down to see her a few times. I just knew in my heart I really didn't have time. We started to really fight about our relationship. Sex was lacking for me, and cuddling was lacking for her. The final straw was this weekend when she thought I was coming down because I told her I maybe could. She said that she couldn't do this and took our relationship off of facebook. She tried to call me 10 mins later, but I just ignored it. She preceded to call me numerous times, voice mails, texts, and emails. It was like she was just bluffing about the break up but this time I called it. I really don't want back in the relationship for reasons like the constant manipulation. Do you think it is a good idea to continue to ignore her for this week? It seems childish for me to ignore her, but I know she'll try to suck me back in if I call her. It's not what I want. Any advice on whether or not I should communicate with her, and if so, how long should the period of silence last? She really seems to be wrecked, but so am I. But note again she broke up with me!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2009): Why she would feel guilty I dont know, but you can always ask her about that. Trust her! Trust is one of the keystones of a relationship! So if you find out that she doesnt deserve your trust, fine, but so far she hasnt done anything for you to take that trust away. In fact this is the time you need to show her you trust her.She needs to make a decision on what she will do. Up through life, we will keep meeting new people, or suitors, and this will surely not be the last time it happens. You just need to trust that she has chosen you, and want you, and not someone else. So try not to get offensive, but believe in the love you share. Being apart for the first time can be very tough, so try to have quality time even though you are far apart!
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