A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my girlfriend and I have been together for three years and I can honestly say that we are in love. However in the recent few months our relationship has changed... We have stopped having sex.. My girlfriend no longer wishes to have sex with me. When we first got together we had sex all the time. It was great sex and we both really enjoyed ourselves but as time has gone on the sex has become less frequent and my girlfriend has become less adventurous. Now I'm lucky if we have sex once a month. She tells me that she doesn't feel like it and that's fair enough. I accept that and we don't but she's then started saying it over and over like she never feels like it. Which has started to bother me so of course I told her about it and she just suddenly said "oh quality not quantity." see I could understand that if we were having bad sex when it was frequent but we don't. Our sex was always amazing when it was frequent. We would do something different every time, we would try new things and we would both really enjoyed ourselves. Leading on from that my girlfriend has now announced that the new condoms we use are giving her bad reactions and leaving her in pain afterwards. I accepted that as she has sensitive skin and these things could happen but after realising we couldn't get the original condoms we used back I said that we should find alternative contraception. I then mentioned the pill to which she point blank refused to even consider and then stated that contraception was not her responsibility. I then left the subject and decided I didn't want to argue with her. It has now been over a month since we last slept together and she is still saying things like quality over quantity. And she's allergic to the condoms, but the thing that's topped it off is that when I suggested trying the condoms with the use of the lube that is provided with them she said she didn't like lube and she didn't want to have sex so it was either no sex or me getting her pregnant/giving her an infection. This is when I should point out I've had no other sexual partners except her and she the same yet she talks about infections. Now I understand sex isn't everything in a relationship but it's a big part of one and over time this has begun to cause us problems and I'm now feeling like I'm out of options and I'm worried things will only get worse. What should i do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys, thanks a lot for the help, and I'm sorry this is months later for the reply. I took all your advice on board and I tried talking to her about and offered that we create some sort of plan that we could both benefit from. She said okay then never actually did anything about it and then just a month ago she left me for another man. Now I know she's not cheated on despite how it may seem because after 3 years I know when she's lying to me, not to mention, any time she did something she shouldn't have I always found out so it meant if she tried cheating she would get caught. To finish it off she has decided she no longer wishes to be part of my life at all and has told me she never wishes to speak to me again. It appears she was just never in love with me where as, of course, I was and still am deeply in love. Thanks for everything guys. All the best.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 this stuck out for me "then stated that contraception was not her responsibility."
UMMM NO it's both parties
then she says she does not like lube
she accuses you of cheating.
she does not want sex.
i'd be considering ending the relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): If you both are not clean just before sex you can give her a urinary tract infection. This has happened to me more than once. I flat out refused to have sex with my fiance last night for that exact reason. He refused to take a one minute shower and scrub himself, so i refused to have sex with him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 June 2013):
 THIS is the most important phrase in your submittal: "...Now I understand sex isn't everything in a relationship but it's a big part of one...."
I've opined about this occasionally, in the past,... because I think that we (couples/partners) are too often reluctant to discuss this subject..... Contrast that with, say, bathing. IF you rarely - or never - showered, how soon would your G/F say, "Damn, (your name here), you smell like an old, mangy street dog. How about taking a shower????"
Sex, IS an important part of a relationship... and so, if two "partners" find themselves at odds about it.... frequency being probably the most important detail... then they need to decide that they are going to figure out how to put their sexual needs/preferences/wants/desires in concert.... OR, their "relationship" simply cannot flourish... OR, even survive....
Open the lines of communication with your G/F and get started on this....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): Your girlfriend is acting very strange to say the least.
What infection? She knows your are monogamous, what on earth infection she is talking about. And suddenly she doesn't like condoms. It's not that you guys just met, 3 years is a long time to be together. I think she seriously cooled off.
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