A
male
age
36-40,
*ogo25
writes:I am 23 years old, and have been dating my girlfreind for 8 months, we are truly in love. when i was 20 i got married, but it only lasted 3 weeks, then got divorced. my girlfreind and i have spoken about our future and how we want to marry and be together, but me being divorced bothers her and makes her sad to think she will be wife number 2. what do i say to her? what can i do to make her know she is my number 1? please help me asap
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011):
I understand how she might feel. You shared something very special with another woman. There are people who won't marry divorcees. One reason is that people who get divorced are more likely to get divorced again. On the other hand, divorcees have a certain knowledge and experience that can be useful in a relationship. ("What NOT to do!") Maybe you can help her see how that experience was a positive one for you because it allowed you to find her. Tell her what you learned from it and how that made you a better man. Tell her how lucky you are to have found true love after the disaster that was your first marriage. (Lie a little bit there and do not talk about the great times you had with your ex-wife even if she asks, but neither should you disparage your ex-.) I have a friend who lost his wife in a car accident at a very young age. It was very difficult for him. He is not a divorcee, but would your girlfriend really be sad dating a guy like that and knowing she was his second? Try to understand what her biggest issue is and work through that. Is it the sex? The wedding? Make her feel special and give her something to call her own. If you didn't go on a big lavish honeymoon before then do it this time. Or if you did have a large, expensive wedding consider having a small, intimate one. No one wants to feel like a cog in an assembly line so it will take some work on your part to convince her that you learned from your past relationship and she will be the beneficiary of that.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 There is nothing you can do Im afraid. Its a fact that you were married in your past and you cannot change that now. Just do not rush in to a second marriage. You are still only young and you both havent been together even a year yet. So just enjoy the relationship and just remind her that you cannot help what you done in the past but that you love her and want her and nobody else. Maybe trying to explain to her why your marriage only lasted 3 weeks might help her understand. Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): That is something you can't change. You have been honest--that's all you can do. Either she gets over it, or she doesn't. But if she can't see past the "number" to realize that the man who married impulsively while younger is not the man she loves today, then honestly, you deserve better. Good luck :)
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