A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend almost never initiates sex and whenever we do have sex, she doesn't orgasm.We're 2 months into the relationship and I'm not sure if I'm ready to start a life with someone who isn't sexually attracted to me.In the start of the relationship she at least attempted to orgasm and she would once or twice but now she can't even be bothered with sex. Every time we have sex, it is because I initiate it and she simply just lays there. It is extremely one sided. I had enough this morning when I was getting up for an exam I have in an hour and she asked me if I wasn't going to get up cause I was lying there talking to her. I said that there were still 20 minutes until the bus arrived and stroked her breast. She then turned around and said: "I'm going to sleep again, good night".I'm getting this more and more. I will stroke her sexually and she will "go to sleep" or "have a headache" or whatever stupid reason she can come up with to make me look like an idiot.If I ask her, she says she is extremely sexually attracted to me but has all these different problems with her vagina and I am seriously doubting that they are real because she went to a doctor who found nothing wrong and every time we have sex (on my initiation) she says it didn't hurt and that it was good...If the sex is good, then why won't she ever do it? If she won't because she is hurting, why won't she please me otherwise like every other girlfriend I've had?I am feeling seriously left out sexually in this relationship. I climax and enjoy myself every time...She just looks bored.She keeps telling me how much she loves me and how sexy I am...I am seriously confused...What's going on?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (28 June 2013):
 We are not substituting scenarios into reality. You have not presented the situation.
You have vaginal intercourse sex every day with an unwilling partner? Wow. No wonder she reaches for the lubrication.
And you expect oral sex when her vagina isn't available for intercourse? Um, wow.
Your semen changes the pH balance of her vagina. Yeast infections happen when the delicate balance of the vagina is disrupted. Why not try a condom for a while and see if that doesn't help re-establish her vaginal flora to a more healthy balance. Or lay off intercourse for a few days.
Have YOU been checked for a yeast infection? If she's being treated and you are not then you could very well be the carrier who gives her yeast infection after yeast infection.
She's doing the best she can with a man who has given up on finding her path to pleasure.
How about this idea: you find a way to bring her to orgasm and your sexual pleasure is not the factor. You take one week and coax her, and tease her and please her and learn to touch her in the way she would like to be touched.
N.B. Many women do not like to have direct clitoral stimulation, as it is indeed too intense. I know that can be difficult for a man with a penis, which totally enjoys direct stimulation, to understand. Imagine this, how your penis feels right after ejaculation when you are super-sensitive and any additional sensation is too much? That's probably how unappealing direct and abrasive clitoral stimulation might feel to her.
Don't "offer" to give her oral, sneak down there and get close and start to gently stimulate her. If she resists "oh I haven't shaved" say "I don't mind at all" and continue, gently and lovingly.
"I can't play with her with my fingers either other than stroking on the outside of her labia because she claims anything more than that is too sensitive. That obviously gets tired very fast so it's just straight to sex from there seeing as she doesn't play with me either (and I do urge her to)."
It IS too sensitive. Try to work with pressure and flat hands and not stroking motions or tweaking labia or other parts. And if she's not playing with you, well, how are you asking for additional genital play?
I don't know, I get the sense that you don't have the patience to find her happy sexual place and she's just doing things to keep you happy. And for what it's worth, she's willing to have sex once or twice a day to keep you happy. Maybe you simply aren't sexually compatible.
Can you be patient with her?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also want to stress that foreplay is not a problem on my half. I actually urged her to just keep enjoying ourselves instead of jumping straight to the sex the other day when she was reaching for the lubricant after 30 seconds of "foreplay" or so and she got extremely offended and felt that I was denying her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not "feeling" unfairly attacked...I am being unfairly attacked. Less from you than from the previous poster, but still, you are both substituting scenarios into my story that are in no way coherent with reality.I do not give her oral. I have offered to but she doesn't like it seeing as she hasn't shaved...When she has shaved she doesn't want me to because of something else...She also claims it tickles more than it pleases when other men have done it to her (I have never).I can't play with her with my fingers either other than stroking on the outside of her labia because she claims anything more than that is too sensitive. That obviously gets tired very fast so it's just straight to sex from there seeing as she doesn't play with me either (and I do urge her to).I had a talk with her today. She claimed that I was too horny and she blamed physical problems with her vagina on the rest. She now claims that my semen may be causing an itch/yeast infection (I'm going to look up whether that is even remotely possible after I write this) so she wants me to pull out...We do have sex every day, sometimes twice a day but every time it's me that initiates it and work my way through her "defenses". She will be uninterested for the longest of time while I attempt to get her going and when she gives in it almost feels like she gives in to pressure and sleeps with me because "she has to".This is not my first girlfriend, nor is it the second. I've never experienced anything like this. I consider myself very capable under the sheets and my sex life has always been healthy. Obviously, I do not bring that up as I want her to feel as comfortable as possible. It hurts me to even bring up the fact that I feel I am being left out as I realize that women may take it very personal if their partner is unsatisfied sexually...But it does work both ways and I want to find a solution to this problem.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 June 2013):
"If the sex is good, then why won't she ever do it? If she won't because she is hurting, why won't she please me otherwise like every other girlfriend I've had?"
You mean, why won't she give you oral sex when her vagina is too uncomfortable for intercourse? Um, maybe because she doesn't feel sexual? Maybe because then she feels like she's just a masturbatory tool for you? Maybe she doesn't feel good about it.
Obviously, the sex is not good. She is saying that to you because you expect to be told that sex is good.
As So Very Confused mentions, more details are necessary or you will get advice that isn't specific to your situation.
Here are my questions:
When you say "My girlfriend almost never initiates sex and whenever we do have sex, she doesn't orgasm" does the word 'sex' mean all the sexual play and foreplay and oral sex and manual sex or does it mean penis-in-vagina intercourse? This is important to clarify. Because if you are expecting her to orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse and she is in the majority of women who do NOT orgasm from that type of intercourse then you will both be very disappointed.
"In the start of the relationship she at least attempted to orgasm and she would once or twice but now she can't even be bothered with sex. Every time we have sex, it is because I initiate it and she simply just lays there. It is extremely one sided." Soooooo, she has trouble reaching orgasm and has basically given up on having one with you? How did she reach orgasm? How do you know she did?
If the best thing she can say about sex with you (again, what does that term mean? is it intercourse, oral sex, manual sex, what?) is that it didn't hurt then you are so far off her sexual mark that you may as well give up here.
"It doesn't hurt" is not the same as "the sensations were so wonderful I had orgasm after orgasm!" "It doesn't hurt" is code for "it does absolutely nothing for me and I'm actually really bored and uninterested in doing it again the same way."
"I am feeling seriously left out sexually in this relationship. I climax and enjoy myself every time…She just looks bored." She IS bored. She is bored. She is the one who is left out of sexual pleasure. You get pleasure every time. She's avoiding telling you the truth you don't want to hear. That is, you are not giving her sexual pleasure.
I don't care what your previous girlfriends experienced or pretended to experience or what they were willing to do for you when their vaginas hurt. This particular girlfriend isn't into sex because you are not pushing the right buttons, or she isn't all that interested to begin with or she has some other issue that is preventing her from experiencing sexual release.
Do you really want to get to the bottom of the issue and are you prepared to listen to women telling you what another woman might need?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2013):
 Answer my questions so I can help you.
I did not get enough from your posts.
I just gave generic advice based on what you wrote
If this response from you is indicative of your standard response when you feel unfairly "attacked" when all we are doing is seeking clarification and offering advice based on life experience, then perhaps your response with your gf is similar when discussing things. If so, that may be part of the problem in that your temper is off putting.
What do you do for your gf when you make love? Do you give her oral? For how long? Is it done willingly or begrudgingly because it matters trust me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWaiting for people who actually read my thread and know what they are talking about to answer.
I don't stroke her breast and then stick my dick in her. This was never implied anywhere. I'm not sure how you two can find reasons to blame me and tell me to "up my game" when you have no idea what I do to arouse her.
Also, why do you two believe I am 100% responsible for our sex life? Why can't she ever initiate with me or AT LEAST TELL ME WHAT TO DO if you are right (which you aren't).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2013): So, you stroke her breast and expect her to be ready for sex? Of course she looks bored and just lies there. She is waiting for you to selfishly finish as quickly as possible because she isn't aroused by you simply stroking her breast and saying there is 20 minutes for you to have some fun.What about foreplay? If you aren't doing much more than 'stroking her sexually' and telling her you want sex I'm sure she isn't aroused enough to have sex without it being painful.Do you both shower regularly? If either one of you does not, she can develop urinary tract infections from intercourse.She probably isn't going to please you until you put more effort into pleasing her. I'm willing to bet that she IS extremely tired and/or stressed out. Headaches, being tired, feeling unwell, and 'problems with her vagina' are all related. If she has expressed to you that she needs your help with things out of the bedroom, like chores (cleaning, cooking) and you haven't really helped she probably feels like you don't care about her much at all. This is even more likely if you have instead opted to play video games or spend hours on a computer or phone updating facebook, chatting, etc. If you have done these things to her AND you expect her to be in the mood for sex upon groping her when she is exhausted and stressed out...she probably thinks you are using her for sex and other services.You need to up your game. You need to learn how to be sensual with a woman. This clumsy, sleazy, groping, breast stroke, sexual touch thing you do won't work with most women. Your past girlfriends were probably inexperienced, attention-seeking, and may have just been lying to you about enjoying their sexual encounters with you because it was nicer than telling you the truth.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 June 2013):
"I have 20 minutes till the bus arrived"
is NOT foreplay
when you have sex what do you do to give her an orgasm?
because stroking her breast and sticking your dick in her vagina is not going to cut it for most women.
In addition, if the only time you hug her kiss her or touch her you want sex, then she will learn to associate it with sex that does not please her.
A quicky now and then is fine but to make love to a woman so she enjoys it takes time, skill and patience....
and just because a woman does not orgasm does not mean she's not enjoying sex.
does she masturbate?
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