A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I wonder if the aforementioned signs or traits are a harbinger that a break up or something else is about to unfold.I don't expect her to pick up the phone or return my texts immediately, but lately it seems as if I'm becoming more of a chore or nuisance to her. She has always been this way to an extent: very selfish; things have to go according to her plan; doesn't like to plan things; "let's see how I feel"; etc. At the same time, she's also very affectionate and often clamors for my affection.But why is she so irritated all the time lately? She is going through a lot with her daughter and career and all, but I'm definitely not a priority to her is seems. The silent treatment is very hard to deal with, not to mention her hot and cold nuances. Advice and observations are greatly appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2014): I am a woman in this age bracket. I am in a relationship as well. Let me tell you what I think might make me act the way she is acting...PMS. It affects some women very drastically and they are just thrown totally off. Can be mean, have mood swings, be accusatory, paranoid, distant and then affectionate, all over you then all over the place... on and on... Believe you me, it is a roller coaster ride. Not fun unless she likes to fight and make up afterwards... wink wink.She is mad at you about something you have done, either real or perceived. She feels you are not paying enough attention to her. Maybe she is trying to get back at you.She thinks you are paying too much attention to her and is backing away.She is pissed because you smiled or talked to another woman who you find attractive.She has a lot on her mind, maybe stress, maybe other issues which have nothing to do with you and she is in thought or trying to resolve those issues. She may seem distant and this is a by product but she is not doing it on purpose. She is just trying to work stuff out on her own.She likes drama and thrives on it. Perhaps she is used to men who give in to her. She might like to be in control. And she may throw a small tantrum or try to manipulate you by doing this to get her way. It makes her feel special in a twisted sort of way.Is this a new relationship or have you been together for awhile? She is afraid of something. Hot and cold. Maybe she really cares about you but is afraid you will hurt her in some way? Are you committed to her totally? Or maybe she is not sure if she wants to get serious with you? Or maybe she is feeling too close to you and does not want to feel too close so she pulls away? Maybe if she has a lot going on in her life, she is just trying to balance this relationship with other things in her life? Maybe not sure if she can handle the relationship along with her other stresses?Silence is never good. Always talk about things. Because it is better to know where you stand than to second guess or walk away based on assumptions.Just ask her why she seems distant. Tell her what you are telling us. Have a good and honest discussion. It may not be what you think. Maybe it is not anything too terrible. Maybe she just has a lot on her plate lately. And maybe you could be more understanding and not take it so personally?Or I hate to say it but maybe she is not sure she wants to be with you and this is her way of letting go slowly?I would ask her. You are obviously in a relationship and you are entitled to know what she is feeling and what is going on.Hope it all works out. But I suggest communicating. Always most important.Best of luck.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 November 2014):
 Hormones sound like a possible cause, Your age is noted as 41 to 50. Assuming hers is about the same, That's about the time for hormonal upsets to "kick in" Her doc would be able to run tests etc. Of course thats assuming she agrees there is a problem and notes it to her doctor. Talk it over with a non-confrontational approach. Be very diplomatic though so as to not set off. a big old issue over it. Good Luck , it only gets weirder as time goes on.
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