A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I are in our first year of marriage and we had the opportunity to move hundreds of miles away from his family and his meddling mother. Yet she visits us almost every week-end! Now she's talking about moving to our city and I am at my wits end. My husband is too weak to say anything to her; he's always just done whatever she wanted to keep the peace. And I'm afraid if I tell her what I think it will cause a major family fight. She has already burned bridges with her own family because she's selfish and mean. She has never worked a day in her life, she has no friends no hobbies and most of her family just put up with her because they have to. When we lived there, she'd spend all day playing computer games, leaving the house a mess, just waiting for us to get out of school. I thought once we moved away it might force her to develop a life of her own, but it appears she is just going to glom onto ours and continue butting in. What do I do?? I am sick of being around her. I had to put up with her for 7 years while my husband and I dated and then lived with them briefly before the marriage. I've had enough! I just don't know how to say this to her correctly. She takes everything the wrong way and blows things out of proportions. I honestly think she has some mental issues like bi-polar depression. I don't want to deal with her anymore except maybe at holidays.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 November 2014):
 Your "issue" really has nothing to do with your Mother in Law..... It's between YOU and HUBBY!!!!!!
IN order to change things, it's incumbent upon YOU to tell HUBBY: "I'm sick and tired of your Mother butting in to OUR lives..... and YOU have to reconcile that EITHER: 1. YOU tell her - and make her - discontinue doing so.... OR, 2. You find another wife who will put up with YOUR SPINELESSNESS... AND your Mother's B/S.... because I WON'T!!!!"
Once you've delivered THAT MESSAGE (to Hubby)... then you can sit back and wait for HIS reaction. Because THAT'S all that counts....
Good luck...
A
male
reader, Redhawk  +, writes (16 November 2014):
I agree with Ciar! If you piss her off maybe she'll go away and you can enjoy your new life without her constant interference. On the other hand, you could ask your husband to talk to her. She's less likely to turn her back on him. After all, this is clearly a Mother who cannot "let go" and I would not be surprised if she is a little jealous over the fact that you have sole access to him now. She has obviously built her whole existence around her son; probably cooked all his meals, did his laundry right up until the time you finally got out on your own. Thank God you made the move to another city and far enough away that she can't come over every day! Talk to your husband. It might be time for him to step up to the plate and be a man.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 November 2014):
 She's already burned bridges with her own family and if she's as selfish as you say she is (and it sounds like she is) it won't matter what you say. In her mind, you'll be the bad guy (just like everyone else is so you won't be alone), so you might as well be direct with her.
Do not try to convince her to see things your way. Simply tell her whatever it is you want her to know and keep it brief, but not curt and be totally unapologetic. Your husband doesn't have to say a word. In fact he can just keep his mouth shut.
'I'm not having visitors this weekend'. When she talks about moving to your city, you could say 'As long as you're not planning to spend all your free time at our house'.
This woman isn't someone anyone needs in their lives so burning this bridge might actually be a blessed relief for both you and your husband.
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