A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Maybe this is a problem a lot of guys would wish to have, but my girlfriend of one year doesn't like traditional sex. She loves to give me oral and when we do have sex she always steers it towards anal sex. I say this jokingly, but feel like I am dating a gay man. It's not that we never have vaginal sex, but it is pretty uncommon. I told her I'd like to do it more often and she said "Of course" but nothing really changed. She told me that she finds anal sex a lot more intimate and that she hasn't had it with many guys so I should be happy, but something about not having sex in the regular way seems off to me like somehow she is holding back from me. Am I overthinking this?
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female
reader, jls022  +, writes (24 July 2016):
Couldn't it be that she prefers types of sex which have a lower risk of pregnancy? If she's your age it may be slightly more difficult to conceive but not impossible.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 July 2016):
 You are overthinking this. Holding back? She's being intimate with you and having sex with you, I don't see her holding back. She just has a preference.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2016): They say our first experience of sex shapes our taste, so it could be her first experience was such.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 July 2016):
 Some women who had a hysterectomy lose sensation down there. If it's a medical issue, then this is not an issue of preference because she did not choose to have a disease which affects her sexual ability and enjoyment. Her reasoning that anal sex is more intimate is not convincing because she is not providing a reason of why vaginal sex is not intimate. Maybe avoiding vaginal sex and embracing anal sex is her way to forget about her painful experience of losing her reproductive organs and give birth to her new sexual self. She may be afraid of telling you the experience of having gone through this invasive medical procedure, worrying that you may think she is less of a woman.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (23 July 2016):
 While I doubt it in this situation, your girlfriend could be a transgender male. Highly unlikely, but I figured I'd mention it as a (tiny) possibility.
Another option is vaginal sex does nothing for her. How much do you orally stimulate her? Only 30% (or less) of women can orgasm through vaginal penetration.
Ask her.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (23 July 2016):
 Everyone has their preferences in bed. And it definitely sounds like your girlfriend isn't into traditional sex (i.e. vaginal sex).
Being that you aren't getting turned down for occasional vagina sex, I don't see too much of an issue here. However, if you don't like your sex life or find it hard to keep up, it could be problem down the road. Ultimately, you are the one who has to ask yourself if you are happy in this situation, or not.
Most couples also fall into a love making habit. The way you get around it is by breaking the pattern. If you want to have vagina-based sex, by all means you should encourage that sort of activity.
I agree with Honeypie's assessment. She may be avoiding vagina sex because of UTI's or it may be painful for her.
Keep an open line of communication and make sure your needs are being met as well.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 July 2016):
 Are you guys using condoms?
If not.. could be she is prone to UTI's or infections if her vagina is very sensitive to ph balance getting out of whack (from sperm).
Could be she feels like she isn't "tight" enough for you OR... she just REALLY likes anal.
Perhaps you should talk about it with her and NOT while having sex, right before or right after.
I'm a firm believer of the saying:" if you can't TALK about sex, you should be having sex".
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