My girlfriend broke up with me but wants to be friends. Should I talk to her?

A male age 30-35, *alakersfan writes:

My girlfriend and i had been officially dating for 5 months and she ended the relationship a few days ago. Before we were dating we still loved each other and were basically a couple with out the boyfriend/girlfriend title like we both promised not to hook up with other people or date other people. I just didn't want a relationship with her so i never asked her and also because my parents do not let me have a girlfriend so i didnt know how to see her without my parents knowing driving me (we're both sophomores in highschool) we were like that since 8th grade. I did ask her out and my parents never found out btw. She broke up with me at a sweet sixteen and i was really confused because i loved her and she loved me too and she called me babe like hours before the party and texted me saying how excited she was and how good she looked for it lol. i feel though that she broke up with me because i told her i was sleeping over a friends house and its known around school that after partys he and his friends go over this other girl's house, whos also in my grade who usually has some other friends over, and they sometimes get drunk and hook up with eachother. i told my gf i was sleepin over this guys house and she was afraid i was gonna cheat on her but i assured her i wouldnt but i think she had some fear i would because this happened with this other couple in my grade who ill call jaclyn, and tom. tom slept over my friends house after a party got drunk and cheated on jaclyn with his ex at that same girls house. My gf didnt want that to happen to us and then at the party she was like i dont think we should be together because who knows whats going to happen over the summer that she might meet new ppl and i might too and that i prolly will go over my friends house, drink and cheat on her and that she wants to end it before that happens and so she wants to be free over the summer. i guess she thought this because we might not see eachother much cuz my parents dont approve of me dating and she knows that. then she said she wouldnt mind having it like it was before when we were friends with benefits without the official relationship and then we said bye. i was all confused with this whole thing and my friends even the ones who were girls couldnt figure it out like why she would want to be friends w/ benifits cuz guys usually want that not girls and couldnt figure out why she thought i would cheat on her. the girl whose house my gf thought we wouldve went to and gotten drunk was saying that and she said she wasnt even having friends over and it was stupid for her to think i would do that just cuz some other guy in our class did. I went to matts house and i was then planning on prolly hookin up with someone else cuz my friends were telling me that now i need some "revenge pus*y" but the girl who usually has friends over was not having a sleep over so there was no hooking up and i didnt cheat on her. the day after i talked to her about it and i told her i didnt cheat and she was like its not about that. i asked her why she then wanted to break up with me and she said that she realized maybe we should take a little break because she thought that maybe i wasnt the right guy for her because there was this one day she was saying how she wants to have lots of kids like the Duggar family, teasing me a lil about thatm and i was just kidding around and said omg i cannot father that many kids, it was a joke and everyone laughed a lil at that comment but i guess she took offense to it even tho we werent planning on getting married and having kids but thats a separate story. anyway so after talkin to her she said she did care about me but wanted a break from a relationship and promised it wasnt cuz of another guy and i asked one of my friends whose a girl to ask her and she said that my gf also told her it wasnt cuz of another guy. she also made me promise we would always be friends and never have hard feelings cuz of a breakup then she said she wanted to be bffs and she then emailed me this list of things about our relationship that we made together and it was thoughtful and cute so i said thanks and i also told her i love u. she asked if she could love a best friend and i was like yea and then we said bye. a few hours later she said "i love u bestie" and it was kinda random because we just were finished talkin about everything about breaking up and how we were now just friends and that we should prolly see eachother over the summer as friends with other friends too. i didnt say i love u back (partly cuz of my ego) and i wanted to seem over her even tho we both knew i wasnt, i just said thanks. we then proceeded to talk more about our relationship and we were very honest about eachother and i told her instances when the previous summer i didnt go to a dance because i didnt want to end up being bf/gf with her as she wanted then and then she eventually broke up with me that summer. she said thanks for being honest about that and then she told me of how someone at school asked her to hook up with him alot of times but she said no cuz she loved me and that she didnt want to tell me because i would prolly beat him up and she was scared our relationship would end. then she said this is a direct quote from our IM convo "you and i have a lot to work out. and i am very willing to do it. find the problem. and work it out. and when we get there. we can maybe try this whole thing again. and work it out?" my pride again got in the way a lil and i said sure that would be ok but i think we should definitely take a break right now tho since we just went through this and be friends then when we're both ready we can start hooking up or be bf/gf then. she then said its weird how were so honest to eachother now more than we were in our relationship but then she said that it was cuz she didnt want it to end so she never told me this stuff and i agreed with that like i didnt want our relationship to end so i told her i didnt have a ride to that dance even tho i did, i didnt wanna turn into bf/gf just stay friends with benefits. so we agreed we will be "best friends" and talk and hang out throughout the summer but i dont know if i should text her now, its been 2 days since our breakup. should i text her to show im interested but only talk like friends or should i not text her to make her miss me o should i continue to talk about our relationship. what do i do? also how often should i text her as "best friends" now? for some reason i feel like she does still want me and she basically said that when she said she was willing to work things out. i just feel as though if i never told her i was going to sleep over my friends house this all would not have happened and that that little jelousy she had was the real reason for the breakup nothin else and that since i didnt cheat she then made up a new reason for the breakup. like if i just went to the friends house after the party and texted her and didnt say anything about being there so she would think im home like usual, she would not have broken up with me. what should i do to get her back? or at least what to do to try to get her back?

View related questions: a break, best friend, broke up, drunk, friend with benefits, his ex, teasing, text

Reply to this Question

Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question!

A reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer

A reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009):

1 2 3 4 5

<-- Rate this answer