A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm currently with a woman who is in love with me, or so I believe, and yet is afraid to have children or get married. We've only been seeing eachother for 5 months, so I'm hoping she'll change in a year or so...depending on how things go. If things go as swimmingly, as they've been going lately, i'd probably like to take things a step further...not actual proposal, but proposal of the idea, perhaps, to see how she reacts.We do love eachother..but she really thinks that people in marriages aren't happy, and children put a damper on fun...probably true in many cases...but I've seen proof to the contrary, and would like both of those things..so.. the questions are.....could she possibly change her opinion, and look more favorably on children and marriage at some point?Also....on a separate note...how do you keep a relationship interesting over a long period of time. I try to keep things fun and romantic...i'd like things to stay like that as long as possible...ideally throughout the whole relationship. How can you make sure that things don't get stale?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2008): I feel similar to your girlfriend. I was married for 14 years and unhappy (violence, controlling abusive) but it burst my bubble about what marriage was supposed to be and I did not want children in that context. My parents have been happily married for over 40 years so I cannot blame them for my viewpoint. It has left me wondering what marriage means. I can only imagine your girlfriend has witnessed negativity in this area. She may not genuinely want children and if you want to have a long relationship with her then this may become a huge issue for you in the future so you need to accept her view and think whether or not you want the relationship or children - as you may have to choose. It is not essential to get married or have children to have a solid, happy and long relationship and for now, I would be glad you are this happy and carefree. You sound very kind so by giving all the support you are you can only provide the most positive foundations on which you can make future decisions.
A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (2 September 2008):
 Spontaniety!! Surprise her, do romantic things often enough that she adores you for it but not every day.
As for the marriage thing, did her parents have an unhappy marriage or divorce when she was young. Are her memories of childhood clouded by arguing parents, bitterness and pain. That would explain why she doesnt want marriage or children. If yes to any of these then counselling could help. If not just stop asking and give her time. Some people believe that marriage spoils a relationship whilst others think it strengthens it. Give her a bit of space and dont mention it for a while x
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