A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend looks at porn and it annoys the heck out of me. I don't think it would annoy me if she was more open about it (I.E. watch it with me), but she is very closed minded when it comes to it. I've also noticed when she looks at porn, we won't have sex, which ends up making me feel like she would rather masturbate then have sex with me. We already don't have sex that often. We are both in our 20s and have dated going on a year and we only have sex maybe 6 times a month. When I talk to my friends, men or women, they seem to have sex at least 5 times a week.What should I do about this?(Also too let you know how I know this. One day I was looking for a website that I visited on her computer and I was searching through history when I came across it. That was an accident, but now I always have the urge to see if she looked at porn, especially when we don't have sex for a while. I know I am in the wrong for this, but I keep doing it)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI probably should have put more effort in my original post.
She was raped around 3 years ago. We weren't dating then, but I'm sure this probably affects everything. I've dated women that had this or something similiar to them but it didn't seem to change them as jurastically as the one I am dating now. Though, she doesn't exactly deal with it well, after all I'm the first and only person she has ever told she has been raped. She won't report it or go to a shrink or anything, all the previous girls I dated did that.
Yeah I always give her foreplay, heck most of the time she wants less. As for her enjoying, considering how open we are when it comes to the act of sex she seems to enjoy it. Trust me, if she didn't enjoy it I would know (she would and has directly told me). Don't get me wrong I have told her as well.
We actually had a talk about the amount of sex we have last night. She always argues she used to want sex all the time but she is not in that phase anymore and i seems like that is all I think about. I mean, I have to admit I think about it more then 2 times a month.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): coming from a married women who watches alot of porn
i have to admit i feel that i do it because im not satisfied by my husband, you see im pregnant and extremely hormonal and he is often tired or busy doing other things, mostly i prefer to watch lesbian porn because i like to see women receiving the attention that i dont get from my husband. Im not at all into seeing guys in porn, only womens private parts getting that attention .If you are viewing the history of what she has been watching it may give a clue as to a more specific reason for why she is watching it and if there is a common theme through what she is choosing to view .
so basically i do it to cover the bases i feel he doesnt.
i would be very happy to have sex at least 5 times a week but 4 times a months is closer to what i get.
my husband is usually to tired to make an effort, though strangely he does have energy to receive oral sex ....
i wouldnt enjoy watching porn in his company at all really ive considered it but the thought of using other women to put him in the mood would be a major turn off.
so, are you giving her good quality foreplay ? does she really enjoy the intimacy you do share ? its hard to imagine masturbation is more satisfying than sex to her
i cant speak highly enough of good old fashion oral to put her in the mood not a half job or quicky but a really decent attempt at it, maybe other things to like cooking dinner, helping around the house might increase her interest
%Pr
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2009): I cant believe a guy is having issues with g/f over porn either. Sorry that you are. I thought it was only the other way around.She will call you a hypocrit though if you tell her how you feel...it is a tough one.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer the anoymous female, I have had a small discussion about it, but she always closes up. This is one thing that seems she is not open about. As for me looking at porn, I do, but I don't let it effect my sex life and I am very open about it.As for asr07k, yeah, I'm very big into having my partner enjoy sex. If she doesn't enjoy is, I don't enjoy it. It is actually kind of a role reversal, sometimes I don't orgasm and she falls asleep right after hers. We are very open when it comes to the bedroom, that works, this doesn't. So I know when she enjoys it because she lets me know, but even though we have good sex 90% of the time, she doesn't want it as often as basically everyone I know, which is just odd. I don't know I'm probably making a bigger deal out of this than I should be.
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reader, ars07k +, writes (29 March 2009):
Everyone else's ideas are good, but I was wondering if she gets to orgasm after sex with you. Do you give her oral until she comes? Because if you don't...it might be a hint that she'd like you to. If I had sex with my boyfriend and he would come and then go straight to sleep, I'd probably rather masturbate than have sex with him too. I'm not accusing you, but it's just a suggestion. Maybe you should spend more time arousing her and pleasing her so she'll want to have sex with you more than pleasing herself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): wow i thought i was the only guy with this problem.
my girlfriend watches porn all the time and i don't like porn. it causes lots of problems between us. i tried to ask her to stop but she didnt want to because she feels like she needs it to be aroused.. makes me feel not good enough. but i mostly just let her watch it before we have sex... and i just wait in the bedroom for her until shes aroused. otherwise i dont think id ever get layed... but this isnt really a good solution for me......
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): For one thing, there is no average number of times a couple should have sex. There is no normal. If you are happy with it, that's what makes it normal. Have you let her know that you dislike her porn habits? Have you had a big discussion about this? Perhaps she doesn't want to look at porn with you because she feels ashamed of her habit, or that you will think badly of her. I would suggest it again, this time letting her control what you watch, how, when etc.
Do you look at porn? If you do, then I would let this one go. Sometimes you need to compromise. What you need to do is have a real heart-to-heart discussion about this. Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2009): Aw I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this. It sounds like she likes using porn over having sex, which doesn't work out well for you!I guess you should try talking to her about her porn use, maybe suggest that the two of you watch one of her favorite videos together so you can be involved. It's a tricky thing to work out something like this... perhaps you can try initiating sex more often yourself, start out with offering her a back rub or something to relax her and then start the process of seduction... ;) Just so you know, every couple must find their own special balance in terms of how often they have sex. It's not about HOW MUCH sex you have but HOW GOOD the sex is and if you are both satisfied with it. Some couples only have sex once a month, or even once every couple of months, whereas others do it several times a day, or a few times a week, etc. It varies, so don't feel like you have to compete with other couples!Good luck!
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