A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in serious situation right now..I am from asian origin..I used to date this girl for 2 yrs..She is 20 and im 25...we had lil ups and downs..nothin major in our relationship...Last month she went on vacation to california to visit her family...When she got back she told me that her family has find a right guy(in fact its her 1st cousin) for her and she is getting engaged and married soon..She said she did not know about all these when she was in california..but she said she likes the guy because he is more caring and parents approved him..I was emotionally broke down, but she did not melt...I used to call her few times and text,emailed her.. After only one week she went back and got engaged...and within 4 days she did court marriage too...I found out that in her culture 1st cousin marriage is not allowed...When I found out about her marriage, I lost all senses..I messaged her fiance exposing our relationship. I was angry because she did not give any good reason to leave me and she just told me that she loves her cousin. I felt that she is young and the whole incident happen within 2 week.. Now she put a restrain order against me and filed a harassment complaint.. The reason she did it because she hide my relationship from her parents.. Now since I told everyone about her she got mad and put me in legal trouble.. I am sure she wants to save her marriage, I still love her so dearly and I can not see her being forced to be in marriage..or may be she wants to get married to her cousin..I have so much guilt that i almost broke her marriage...But all i wanted her to take time and figure things out and find out who loves her the most...I was not given any chance to say anything and just left blind for no reason...can anyone ever fall in to this situation??I dont know what to do now?Tc
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot for good advise..I often think that her family had financial trouble and her marriage would make lot of difference too..and she got engaged over the phone and it took only one and half week for break up,engagement and court marriage...but I am definately going to move on with my life since I have medical career ahead of me.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2008): Thanks a lot for good advise..I often think that her family had financial trouble and her marriage would make lot of difference too..and she got engaged over the phone and it took only one and half week for break up,engagement and court marriage...but I am definately going to move on with my life since I have medical career ahead of me.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (10 August 2008):
 Look, whether she is set to marry her cousin or someone else, that does not change the fact that when made to choose between you and someone else, she chose someone else. It does not matter if she loves the other guy or not, or if he is allow to marry her or not. The bottom line, she did not choose you when she had the chance.
All that being said, you need to look deep within yourself to assess WHY you would be so wanting to be with a woman that would not put you first? This is the issue you need to deal with, not trying to ruin things for yourself by getting a restraining order against you. This is on your record now.
You need to use your head right now, not your heart. Your heart is trying to chase a girl that has already used and rejected you in the worst ways. You can not trust it.
It sucks that you went through this, and my heart feels for you, however, trying to force someone that does not want to be with you is going to hurt YOU more than anyone else.
What did you learn from this? What lessons can you take with you so that this situation never repeats itself again? You have just suffered a loss, and need to grief it, like you would grieve the death of a loved one. It is on the same level the way you described it. Take the time to grieve and to learn from this. At this point, that is the healthiest thing you can do.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.frankadviceformen.com
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (9 August 2008):
 it is not fair that you were with her for 2 years and she was married in 2 months. but it seems like her family made the decision for her and she was okay enough with it to go through with it. she is married now, your ex does not have the time to choose between the two of you because she has already chosen. she sounds like she wants to be with that man, so accept her decisions gracefully.
it will make you look good, and her either happy or regretful. either one, in my opinion, works just as good as the other.
move on, and good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): If you are really sorry for the damage you have done to her reputation in your rage, then do apologise from the bottom of your heart and do your best to make her marriage work. she was not meant for you and we all mistakes but it is never too late to realise and accept our wrong doings.
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