A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been going out for nearly a year. We both love eachother very much and have no plans to break up. However, she has an unnoticable case of ADHD to the human eye, and I think it's from this I have my problem. She doesn't like beign touched. No hugs or kisses. No, we both know we're not ready for sex. She just says she feels uncomfortable with touch despitre never having any bad experiences like rape or assault. I have respected her wishes, it's just that when i see another couple bond through touch I can't help but envy them. What's going through her mind?Added from the same user:My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly a year are both enjoying our relationship. We're both 17, finished school, and it's not sexual and we both plan for it to be sexual not for maybe a couple of years. However, she has ADHD, though barely noticeable, and i think, because of this, she feels very uncomfortable being touched. No hugs or kisses. And although we love eachother very much and have no plans or signs of breaking up, i cant help but envy others who are able to bond that that. Can anyone give me any indications of what might be going through her head or what I can do? She hasn't been abused or anything because I've asked her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): Dude you and i are in the same situation my girl does not want me touching her and i got to say its kind of pissing me off.I could only guess that maybe she is not ready to be touched by you yet because there really is that kind of girl and it just so happens that our girlfriends our 1 of em.sometimes you just have to be patient even though sometimes it is so hard.And sometimes u may also think that maybe she is not interested in you.Just be patient and soon she will start to let you touch her because you proved your worth to her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2008): some women don't like to be touched or be affectionate with their SO (two of my good friends are like that 1 is happily married the other single). other women will be more affectionate over time & it's a case of getting more comfortable & trust with each other. women can show their love in other ways (there's a book called Love Languages). u have 2 decide how much touching affection is enough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Does she hate her appearance? Has she definitely not been assaulted? Has she maybe seen someone else go through problems because of it? As she has ADHD maybe she's scared she'll lose control. I don't know, but you should ask her. Don't force it out of her, you need to make her feel comfortable. Tell her you won't do anything she doesn't want you to do but that if you know what's causing the problem then maybe you can overcome it. You could even suggest this site to her if she wants help, but only if she says she needs help, or she might take it as an insult =]
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): is She Asian.Some Asian cultures make sure the girls are brought up in such a way that they hate to be touched before marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Hugging, kissing, displays of affection are very crucial in a love relationship. It builds the bond of love, and it builds the momentum of intimacy, until the day you decide to both make love. That is natural, normal and as humans, we all need this. So if she doesn't like being touched or kissed, how on earth will she react when the day comes that you will want to take this to the next inevitable step. I mean having sex with someone, is pretty darned intimate and there is an extreme amount of closeness...touching, kissing and hugging going on. If your gf has a aversion to being touched/hugged/kissed, then you will eventually begin to really, really resent this circumstance. Already, you say you are feeling envious feelings for other couples who have this very important facet to their relationship.
There could be a couple of things going on: 1) if you feel her disorder is affecting her ability to physically be affectionate with you, then please, ask her to get some medical help and possibly some counseling to mend this mental block. or 2) maybe she's just plain scared. She is young and she could very well be influenced by her family-her parents. It could very well do with her upbringing and her ethics/values and the way she has been taught.
Just a further guess here. But to me it sounds like if it is truely a disorder within her, it could very well be OCD rather than ADHD or a combo of both. There are people who hate being touched and many of them suffer from obsessive compulsive disorders. Another possibility, is she has a phobia of some sort. But whatever it is, it is an "aversion' and she needs some professional help with it...or you will end up one very lonely, despondent, guy...in the future. If you feel you can date someone who has this issue, you have my blessing...but humans crave intimacy. So beleive me when I say. ...it will be a huge issue in the future of this relationship. Ask her to talk to her Mother, and get the help so she can go through life, in a happy joyful way by enjoying the bond of intimacy with people she loves.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I'd just like to know if she's actually been professionally diagnosed with this disorder? I can't see how ADHD and a dislike of being touched are linked, or why you think they might be.
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reader, Teacake  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 I feel bad for the both of you. This could be so many things that no one other than a therapist could have the answer. It could be due to molestations BUT it could ALSO be a genetic sort of thing. Some people have that problem who were never abused. They can't stand being touched for many physical reasons. Not even psychological or emotional. But only a therapist can know for sure.
I think there is a medical term for that if its just the way their body is - but I'm not sure
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