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male
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anonymous
writes: How to find out if girlfriend is cheating without upsetting her??I worried about my girlfriend. I recnetly found out that she has been chatting to lots of men online and always refers to as a flatmate when in fact we are a couple who live together. Also she get text messages from the same people all the time and even late at night. This really worries me and i think she might be cheating. I have tried talking to her but i can't do it directly because it could upset her. I know the evidence could be harmless and nothing to worry about but recentl a guy posted a note on her site saying to meet at a club. She went and didn't come home. She said she stayed at her mates. Since then she has been really lovey dovey with me and saying how she loves me? Strange but this has worried me more.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (9 February 2006):
 I think you have reason to be concerned. First of all you're not her flatmate! She's leading these guys on so they continue to contact her. Second, she made plans to meet a man and then, didn't come home! Even if she didn't spend the night with him, she was doing something behind your back. Maybe you snooped a little but your gut was telling you to snoop. She's not being truthful with you. You deserve that at least. I would confront her or the next time she goes out I'd check up on her. You have reason to be concerned. What do you have to lose, she's already demonstrated to you that she's probably dishonest. Ask her about her night out. Ask her who went with her. Ask her if they met anybody there. Ask her if she planned to meet anybody. If she lies, she has something to hide.
A
male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (9 February 2006):
 I can totally understand why this would worry you more because it is quite common that people try and compensate with being lovey-dovey after they have done something they feel guilty about.
Maybe this will be controversial and not what you want to hear but I think you have to take the bull by the horns here because none of the signs are good and, to be brutally honest, everything you write her here suggests your fears are well founded. Finding evidence of her cheating is going to be hard if you want to avoid a direct confrontation. Indeed it is likely if you take another course and are found out she will be more upset than if you just spit it out.
Personally speaking I would advise taking the direct route. If, for example, you tried to check her texts or message history without her knowing she would have a strong case that you were invading her privacy and this would allow her to shift the blame a little onto you. Maybe you could ask the mate that she was supposed to be staying with if she really did stay with her but again a) her mate is likely to vouch for her whatever and b) it will most likely get back to your gf. One other option might be to get a male mate of yours to pose and somebody else and see if she would be prepared to meet but again that is a little dishonest and like all the other options dramatically reduces the chance that you will be able to save the relationship in the event she is cheating if that is what you would want to do.
I am sorry you are in this situation because you obviously have alot of feelings for this woman and i am sorry I couldnt have been of more help. Good luck with this.
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