A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is from the Philippines, and her family (father, mother brother, and 2 sisters) is constantly pressuring her (they get nasty) to send them money. She has been supporting them for almost 14 years, and she's tired of it. She doesn't make a lot of money, and she has her own daughter to worry about. I realize life is more difficult in the Philippines than it is here in the U.S., but none of her family members work at all. As far as I can tell, they have no intention whatsoever of even trying to find work.She argues with them constantly by phone, email, text messaging, etc. This can go on for several hours a day. I've suggested that she simply stop communicating with them, but she seems to be struggling with that "solution" because she worries that her whole family (cousins, etc.) will think she's a selfish, heartless, rich American. She just can't resist responding to their attacks.She asked me to write a letter to her mother explaining her situation. She thinks her mother will listen to me and back off, and the rest of the family will follow. But I'm not sure I want to participate in this massive, never-ending family argument. I want to support my girlfriend, but I think she needs to simply stop communicating with her family. In my view, they will never stop the name-calling, threats (her sister and her father both said they'd kill her), etc.I've been going out with my girfriend for over a year, and we're quite serious about getting married in the not-to-distant future. But I'm concerned that her family conflict will never end and that it will interfere with our relationship. I've had enough family conflict with my own family already. I see it as nothing more than a huge waste of time and energy.Any suggestions on how to handle this situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): In the Philippines, the lifestyle can be difficult for those living there...especially for families who are barely making enough to support the family. They rely on relatives and children or parents who come to America and work here. The dollar goes far in the Philippines and for many who come to America, they send what they can to help the family back home. It's hard because sometimes, the families are also starving. Many Filipinos who move to U.S. send money to families they've left behind to help support them. Not necessarily every two weeks, but maybe once a month or even every other months or every 6 months. It may be hard for your girlfriend, but remember, she left her family behind in the hopes of making it here in the U.S. and to help her family so that they can also survive. We musn't forget where we came from. These are her parents, her family. It's hard cause you want ot make it here too but we need to remember those we left behind. This happens every where .. any country you've left to move to the U.S. so that you can help those you left back home.
A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (7 January 2011):
 I agree that it would be unwise for you to write them. You're not her husband, and you're not family. You're just a stranger to them and they would then blame YOU for her reluctance to give them more money. She'd find herself having to argue to defend your honor and that would just give her something NEW to be yelled at about. You can (and should) support her, but without actually getting in the middle with the extended family.
Keep helping her to get stronger, keep encouraging and supporting your girl, and be patient with her (because the LAST thing she needs is you getting on her case or blaming her in all this).
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A
female
reader, Secretlife  +, writes (7 January 2011):
I think she needs to explain to them that life isn't so easy over here. I mean everyone struggling to make ends meet at some point in their life. But no she shouldn't be dealing with that. If they are calling her names and threatning to kill her then she just needs to stop communicating with them. Its only so much a person can take. She shouldn't have to keep supporting them and stressing herself out like this. I mean i know she loves her family but they don't seem to love her as much if they're calling her names. Seems like they only want her money. she just needs to focus on her child and her career.
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