A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok. Ive been with my gf for over 4 years and we have a 1 year old baby. Ok my problem is that I was a virgin till I meant my gf and she was my first and only. But come to find out i wasnt for her. its kinda hard to explain but the guy who had sex with her was kind of a friend/not really. but anyway i started talking to her and i really liked her and i asked this friend/not really, if he know her and he said no. ok your asking why did you ask him that? because this guy was kind of a manwhore,not going into detail. so he said no and blah blah. me and her were together now. months go bye then we have sex for the first time.months go bye and i read some old messages on her myspace. come to find out she had sex with this friend/not really guy. without going into detail about the messages my view of her was darkened and my heart dropped. ive keep this inside for so many years and im discusted of her at time. i cant forget it. am i wrong? what can i do? i feel as thought i lost something.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks. sounds about man. maybe ill try to get help.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): Never mind what should matter. We all know what does matter. You wouldn't be asking this question if you could just decide that the whole thing is not going to bother you anymore and that would work. It sounds like that's what you've been trying to do for years already.
The core issue is that she lied to you about something that mattered a lot to you. You were denied your right to make your own decision about whether she was the right girl for you. Because she presented herself as who she wanted to be, not who she actually was. (It's an understandable motivation for her to tell this lie. But that hasn't made you hurt any less for the last 4 years, has it?)
You can get counseling and that may help some, but people rarely ever stop hurting over these things entirely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): yes, u might be upsad with her, but did you ask her again when you find out? ask her again and if she is not tell you the truth just confront with her. and if you love and she love you please be nice to eachother and forgive her. b/c every person made mistake, you should know how you feel when you did something wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit bothers me that she wasnt a virgin yes. but mostly the person she did it with and the fact he said he didnt know her and i have to find out the hard way months later. and a good woman and mother is not really what i would say about her, there is problems(no detail).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 March 2009):
 What is it exactly that bothers you? About her not being a virgin ?
Did she tell you when you first got together that she was one? Did you assume she was one?
I think it's a little late to be upset that she wasn't a virgin now. Specially if she is a good woman and mother.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (12 March 2009):
 Unfortuntaly there is nothing you can do about this,you need to forget about this and the past you have a child together so what if you didnt take her virginity she must love you or else she would not have your baby, you have not lost anything to be honest first times are awful and most the time hurt for women, be gratful you did not put her through the pain stress and anxiety of losing your virginity
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2009): Guys cant be virgins, as u need a hymen and that needs to be broken. Girls only have a hymen which im sure u know, guys can only be experienced or inexperienced . Dont hold this against her btw just be glad u have her and your child.
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