A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I see each other everyday. She still lives with her parents, and so do I for my families financial reasons, but after I get home, she calls me every night and won't get off the phone with me. I have tried to hint over and over that I want to get off the phone, but she just doesn't get it, and continues on talking to me. I have even told her I wanted to stop talking, but she just continues thinking up of subjects.Almost every night last week she has kept us up all night from 9:00pm-6:00am. Then, she leaves for school because she is still in high school. I have absolutely no idea how she functions in school. But, there have been a few days where she has gotten her mother to call, and let her leave on early dismissal, and I had to pick her up early. Then, when I drop her home so she can sleep, she insist on staying up because she wants to spend time together.I do not know what to do, or what is going on with her. I do not want to hang up on her, but this seems like the only option left.I have tried to talk to her about this but she is always being sarcastic, and moves away from the subject without answering it.What can I do or say to her to let her know that, We Need To Get Off The Phone, Because We Need To Sleep???Also, how can I get her to talk about this problem seriously???Any help would be greatly appreciated. Please and Thank you. =-) Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol, she is a little odd at times, but as am i. We blend well because of that. But, shutting off my phone seems like a plan, when I am home at nights. We had a serious talk today, and she seemed really sad about not talking over nights. I tried to get her to tell me why it made her so sad, she just started to cry. It was a really weird moment. We made a compromise though. I only talk to her over nights when I am working. Maybe it is just a part of growing up for a girl, who knows. I am up for the challenge though, as long as she is. I want to travel this road with her, and see her grow. We can grow together, in an odd sense.
Thank you again for your answers, and the song. =-)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): She is quite clearly a bit of a crack pot, and you both will be soon if you don’t get a decent night’s sleep. I suggest recording The Bluetones’ song Tiger Lily as your answer machine message and turning your phone off; at least until you can form sentences to your boss in the morning again; and until she gets a grip.Baby’s talking it’s what she does bestI’ll just sit and agreeFlorid insults glide out on her breathMostly ‘bout me (she says)Can’t you see past the mirror sometimes?Take a look at your peers Stretching out all their half assed ideasInto half assed careersTiger Lily, it’s four in the morningTiger Lily, you’ve got to stop calling meCan’t catch up with the hours you keepTiger Lily, just go back to sleepHow d’you keep up with all that goes on?Names and dates set me reeling But when you dialed those numbers that tallied with mineDid you notice the time?Where did it go?Now it’s twilight outside and we’ve talked half the nightAnd what did we say?Luck could change, maybe todayBaby’s talking it’s what she does bestI’ll just sit and agreeContradictions glide out on her breathMostly ‘bout meAnd where went the time?Now it’s twilight outside and we’ve talked half the nightAnd what did we say?Luck could change, maybe today
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A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (2 February 2009):
 Hi again, I didn't realize she was that young, she is doing what a young person especially a girl does, talk, talk, talk. You have to be patient with her as you care about her, but you must set some rules, I agree also with the Aunt who said to tell her you have to go and shut off your telephone. Good luck with the situation, she is only going to get older, and hopefully wiser as you will as well. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): It's difficult to get a woman off the phone at the best of times, even more so if she's not paying the phone bill. I sympathise, really I do. You just have to be blunt, and after about half an hour which ought to be plenty of time to say everything you've got to say, tell her you're off to get your beauty sleep, blow her a kiss and put the phone down. Then unplug it until the morning. Turn off your mobile too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will try to have a serious talk with her today, and see if I can set some boundaries. I agree with you ladies when you say that boundaries need to be set in the relationship, to make it work successfully.
Hopefully she will understand and take the talk seriously. We both have completely two different maturity levels, and at this point, I'm not sure who is more immature.
I am starting to understand why some people think it's difficult to start a relationship with someone younger. I never noticed the difficulties until now that I have experienced them myself.
Thank you for all of your help and input. It has opened my mind up to the options we need to start taking to make this relationship work correctly. =-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI sound positive because I am positive. Thank you for your help. But, I understand what you are saying, she is still young, and has some growing up to do, as so do I.
We both have to be patient with each other at this point. I will deal with her nightly phone calls, and she will have to deal with all my negativities, as well.
And, Thank you. We will take that luck, as we might need it in the future. =-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): As I said, she is on the verge of being woman and girl so yea she might be mature in one respect but a part of her is still thinking like a girl, but with a little respect time and patience she will blossom into a loving woman, who treats you with respect but right now you would just have to stick it through, you decided that this 17 year old girl is what you want, and you knew that she wasn’t a woman yet, so deal with her girly tantrums, speak about it as much as possible, and make sure she understands your feelings, make very sure that she doesn’t take it the wrong way but sees your point and understands it, the two of you will be fine I am sure of it, and you sound very positive.Good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionlol, ok the times are spread out during the nights. But, we are both up majority of the nights. It's not always 9-6, but different hours of the night. Sorry I was tired and irritated when I wrote the question. But, it's not me I worry about. I work from home in the morning.I'm worried about her because, She just turned 17, I don't know how she functions during the days, because she has very advanced courses. I've seen some of her homework. She is probably one of the most mature person I have dated, and that says a lot, apart from wanting to talk all night, she handles herself very well. I'm the immature one.I haven't read the replies completely, I'm too tired to read, I just wanted to clear up some loose ends about the question.Any other suggestions and comments are always very much appreciated.Thank you again for the replies. =-)
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (2 February 2009):
Wow 9pm to 6am? Thats a long time on the phone!!! I can understnad where you are coming from. You must be so tired and I dont know how either of you function during the day. You said shes in high school, so shes obviously young, so she might not really care at this point in time if she falls asleep during class. You on the other hand, sound more mature and realise the importance of a good nights sleep.
I guess this is one of the tricky points of dating someone who is younger then you.
I dont think you should hang up on her, that would be verry rude and upsetting for her, although I can see how you feel thats the only option. Instead, say something to her 'I have really enjoyed talking to you tonight, and although there is still lots i would love to talk to you about right now, its very late and i need to sleep, otherwise i wont be able to work tomorrow well, so we can talk about on [insert date/time](this will reassure her)'. Then say goodbye and put the phone down.
If she still continues todo the same thing you need to have a serious talk. I think you have to talk to her face to face about this, and I say this because when you are on the phone, thats the timei n which the situation is happening, you need to talk about it away from where it occurs. Tell her that you need 8 hours sleep a night- maybe even get a print out of the web from a health web site to prove to her that everyone needs it.Tell her that you want her to do herb est at school and you dont think she can do that with little sleep. So make a compromise with her, rather then talking to 6am, it might be to midnight instead- whatever ensures you both get enoguh sleep.
Ultimately if she cant make a compromise like this and see the importance, you have to wonder, is she really ready for a mature relationship?
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (2 February 2009):
Hi there, In order to have a relationship, there has to be mutual respec. It is very rude not to be considerate of others feelings, especially if you care for a person. Youcetainly do not want to aggravate them or make them think that you are a pest.Your girfriend, as much as you may care for her needs to be given some guidelines for having a mutually repectful relationship. We all can be selfish when it comes to someone we like, but too much sugar will make you sick. Now then, you are a part of this relationship, so it is up to you to set the guidelines as she is oblivious to what you want or at least is trying to be. Her wishes it seems,are the only ones which count. So then, what to do, you say she won't listen, take her to a nice public restaurant, talkabout anything else but what you are telling us, then get into what you can describe as another girl, who wants to talk and talk for hours on end without consideration for her partner until her partner wants to not talk to her at all. He tries to tell her what he wants but she won't listen, so she leaves her partner no choice but to cut her off, which he didn't want to do, but he could not get her attention, she refused to see, only interested in what she wanted. Soafter trying and trying he wasfrustrated, he left her all together. By this time she will or should realize that you are talking about the two of you. Let her know that from now on you will talk to her ....., and ......., you set the times, places etc. Do not be cowed into changing, or what you told her will come true for the two of you, people want to know that they are respected and I am sure that goes for you.
There is an insecurity on her part as all of us sometimes have, so be ready for a rebellion, you will be the bad guy, but if you want this relationship to last, you must put down boundaries, including the talking on the plone. If you can't tell her what you want from her about this, what happens when something bigger comesalong. Set rules or
it's going to be over, it will get on your nerves not to mention wearing you down physically. You decide, but that is my thought, be honest, express your self as in a story about two other people, then let her know you are talking about the two of you, which she will know, as I said. Good luck, please let me know how it turns out. Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): She is just not as mature as you would like her to be, and you need to take that into consideration, young girls have done worse things to be or have the attention of the guy they are with, I am not saying she is not mature enough for you, but she is standing on the verge of womanhood and being a girl, in a girls mind you will come in on a white horse and resque her, still believing nothing can break you up,she is doing what her emotions are telling her is the right thing, love is a big thing and girls don’t always know how to express how much they love being with you, or the right things to say, and that’s why you get girls who say, I wanted him to know that I love him so I slept with him, is coz they are so young their emotiosn are all messed up, but this can create a problem you will start feeling smothered and will fight to get some air, and I know that she doesn’t want you to do that, but if you can understand what she is going through you might be able to deal with this better, make sure that you sit her down and speak to her, its normal behaviour for a child to have a sacracastic remark when they are being helped, and tell her that if she wants to be treated like a woman and not a little girl she needs to strart acting like a mature woman, she cant make you the centre of her universe, coz that’s very very dangerous and its not good for her development as a person, even if you have to be a bit hard and make your voice hard, you need to get through to her, coz if you tell her now its ok for her to smuther you to make her whole life revolve around you, she will do the same thing in 5 years from now, and its not right but she will start to think its right, I use to think that if my BF has me why does he wanna hang out with his friends, LOL, I know I though we were enough for eachother, and how wrong I was, but she will learn and she’ll learn much faster with your help and support, help her to become a wonderful woman, your support will have a bigger impact on the woman she’l lbe in 5 years than you know, so good luck treat her right, And do not forget to keep us posted
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): wow, she seems pretty into you. a bit hooked i might add. how old is she? because you're in your 20s.i guess you have to sit her down and give her a talk face to face, let her know u like her and all but shes being too possessive, because honestly a girlfriend shouldnt be like that.. private space is important. if she tries to move way from the topic then you have to stop that happening-you're the older more responsible one!tell her if she still wants to have this relationship, first thing, is keeping it healthy!
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