A
male
age
30-35,
*S360
writes:Okay, I'm gonna be 15... and my girlfriend wants to have sex... I'm a guy of course I want to... I have been dating her since 7th grade (I'm a freshman now) and I don't know what to do... She means the world to me... and in the past I've turned her down (I'm also a Christian boy) I care more about her than to violate her body... We are both too young for sex... I just don't know how to say NO... I've been just ignoring the question... The farthest we've been is making out... I've not touched her body in anyway... I care more about her than to do that... Putting off the question is getting old and I don't want her to think that I don't think she's attractive... What do I do please help... What should I do that won't be a sin... I do want sex... but yet I don't...
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): instead of a flat no,perhaps you should say i would love to but i dont think im ready, could we just do something else? and maybe try oral instead, girls love it :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): Well let me start off by saying something that you probably already knew: you are not alone in this problem. We all go through battling with the desires of our bodies and the desires of our hearts. As a Christian myself, I understand perfectly well this feeling of “wanting sex but not wanting it” and the desire to remain pure that you are describing. And let me reassure you that you should never be afraid or ashamed to uphold your own values even if they differ from someone as close as your significant other. An advice anyone on this site would give is that if you don’t feel comfortable having sex then don’t do it. I do agree with this to a certain extent but let me take it a step further. I think you said something rather profound when you said that you care too much about her to violate her body. I don’t wish to speak out of term but to me this is an indication that you know you shouldn’t have sex with her not only because you feel uncomfortable but also because you know it wouldn’t be right; a desire to be chaste in other words. However, what you also describe is a difficulty in communicating what you feel and think to your girlfriend as evident in the way you’ve been simply ignoring the question. Now, truthfully I don’t think a simple “no” would be the answer either. What I would recommend is that you try to express these values of yours to her so that she can understand where you are coming from. And try not to be afraid of her reaction because if your relationship is to last then you must learn to feel comfortable discussing this type of subject. Now the answer to your last question about what to do that isn’t a sin is also something you probably already knew: wait until marriage to have sex. It is simple but difficult to achieve. So again I stress that you should talk to her about how you feel about sex and see if she will wait for you. If she is with you for the right reasons then she’ll understand.Good luck and know that you’ll both be in my prayers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): HI PS360
Yes, it is a tricky issue... and I feel that you both are indeed too young to have sex. However if your girlfriend wants to, then as a man you are EXPECTED to comply. I mean, hey, aren't men SUPPOSED to want sex all the time?? However, that doesn't turn out to be the case, many times. And perhaps this is what you need to tell your girlfriend about... that you can love her a lot without wanting to do it... Maybe she feels that if you guys don't do it soon then maybe you will go away or something... Have you tried asking her that?? Also, you can tell her that you'd like to wait until you both are little mature...so when you actually do it, it will be a bit more meaningful.... OF course, maybe your girlfriend wants to discover this particular experience, and if she is really determined about it...then I don't think that you can put it off, even though you give her your reasons... What you need to think then, is that between not having sex or losing your girlfriend... Hopefully it won't come to that... try to talk it out, ok? Give your reasons and explain very delicately, and be careful that you don't embarrass her... and try to be there for her, and show that you truly truly love her... Good LucK!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): First of all I salute you for sticking to what you believe in.
Second of all, just tell her flat out you think she's beautiful and how much she means to you, however you don't feel quite ready to go all the way just yet. If she cares about you, she'll understand.
Whatever you do don't let her force you into anything you're not ready for, or it won't be a wonderful memorable moment in your life, it'll be a regret... Especially when you're older and find out if she's really 'the one' for you or not... You never know.
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