A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend seems to be setting things up so that her daughter or her mother see us making love. Is this a more common desire for women than I realized?My girlfriend and I are sort of engaged to be engaged. she surrently lives with her mom and her 16 year old daughter.There are times when we are being intimate when she seems to be arranging things so that her daughter or mom see us having sex. She insists on propping the bedroom door is open, she strips the blanket off the bed, so we aren't under the covers, and when it has been my understanding no one else is home, it turns out otherwise. Either one of both of them come home, or like a couple of times, her daughter was actually in her room, and was moving about in the hall (I am not sure if she saw or not. And she always. tells me she doesn't like my apartment so could we please go to her place Is this a turn on for some women? Or, is there some kind of comfort level from having her mom or daughter around that makes it easier for her to feel sexual?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): Ho, its not normal, and Also creepy. I can't even say anything remotely sexual in from of my adult daughter, she always stops me. I forget sometimes she is still my daughter, sheis grown up. But yeah, your girlfriend is off, big time.
A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (9 August 2013):
 She could be a budding exhibitionist. Or she could be trying to prove something to them in some bizarre, twisted way.
Does she have any friends? Maybe it's a way for her to prove her worth to others. You know, like "look what I'm doing? See how hot I am for banging this guy?" but since she doesn't have too many friends she acts that way to her family.
Does she show any more symptoms of narcissism or any other personality/behavioral disorders?
In any case, you ought to ask her straight up about it. She can answer any queries you my have better than we can.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 August 2013):
Talk about INAPPROPRIATE! I think MOST women finds kids accidentally seeing you have sex is a HUGE turn OFF. YOU don't DO that in front of your kids.
I would have a chat about that with her.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 August 2013):
 Of course trying to have sex in front of her mother or daughter is inappropriate and is not 'normal.' Engaging in sex in front of a minor with her mother is completely out of bounds and you could wind up in legal trouble if her mother ever chooses to go public with the situation.
I'd call her on this. "June, I noticed these things *cite the examples* which suggest that you seem to want to be caught in bed with me. It makes me very uncomfortable and I am worried about you. I do not want to be seen having sex by your minor daughter or by your mother." Spell it out, make it clear, do not ignore the elephant in the room any longer.
Perhaps she has some psychological issues that need to be dealt with by a mental health professional.
Directly ask her why she does not like your apartment and resolve those issues so you erase any objections to going there instead of home.
If she persists in this behavior and you are unable to get her to seek help then you will have other decisions to make.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 August 2013):
 this is NOT a typical or normal response from a mature adult person. while being an exhibitionist is somewhat acceptable in certain enlightened circles, doing it for your mother or minor child is beyond normal even for my taste.
It sounds to me like she may have exhibitionist tendencies and is inappropriately using her mother and daughter to fulfill them. does she ever want to have sex in the car or outdoors where you might get caught? if NOT then its just about her family and that is wrong... if so, just figure out how to channel her need to something more socially appropriate (like a sex club)
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A
female
reader, Scotlass65  +, writes (9 August 2013):
 At 16 she isn't underage, but I personally think its too messed up and weird, you have to be more forward and tell her what she is doing is making you feel uncomfortable because this is definately not normal behaviour
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (9 August 2013):
 No way definitely not normal.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 August 2013):
Dear OP,
This is not common. I don't want to play Freud but I'd say there must be an underlying family issue. Maybe there is some subconscious competition among the women in this house about who is more attractive, has the better sex life etc. So it might be that your gf is showing off her sexual activities, as part of this competition. Yes, it sounds messed up, but I've seen mothers and daughters competing. I've seen mothers flirt with the boyfriends of their teenage daughters or wearing their clothes, I know these twisted things happen. I know some weird stories that I don't want to share over the net. What I'd recommend is that 1) you don't play along that game because it's weird and makes you uncomfortable 2) you try to find out more about this family and how it works. If you want to marry into this family, you'll become a son-in-law and the step-father of a teenage girl. You need to know what happens between those women and if they're going to use you as a weapon in their domestic battle. You DON'T want to end up in a triangle of women who play twisted games with each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): Have you ever heard of the saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree?" Perhaps she is merely modeling the behavior that she witnessed as a child of her mother.
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A
female
reader, StephJayne +, writes (9 August 2013):
 If I'm honest, that seems a little weird! Especially to allow her underage daughter to witness!
However, I do recall reading somewhere that in certain places it is the LAW to allow the mother to witness the first act of love after they are married. I personally find it a little odd.
Talk to your girlfriend. Let her know that you are uncomfortable with the fact that she wants her mother or daughter to witness it.
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (9 August 2013):
 That is all kinds of messed up. Who would want to see their mother or daughter having sex? I don't think that's anything to do with comfort, I think it's some kind of screwed-up exhibitionism.
You need to insist on closing the door. If she doesn't comply, no sex. She needs to understand how wrong and inappropriate her behaviour is.
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A
male
reader, Jinxyjonah1 +, writes (9 August 2013):
 I have known women who get off on the thought of being watched or the possibility of getting caught by others whilst in the throws of passion...but by family members?!!...NO.. not normal at all in my opinion and as wiseOwlE says..completely inappropriate .
You don't comment on how you feel about this..but assuming this is not a turn on for you and you are uncomfortable about it... I think you have to be open and question her on this..especially as you are engaged and want a long term future together.
On a side note ..what the hell does engaged to be engaged mean?
All the best.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 August 2013):
 Ummmm .. no. Not normal. That's really weird. Yuck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): It isn't appropriate, and you shouldn't allow it out of respect for her under-aged daughter; and her mother.
Please close the door and insist on it.
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