A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I have a problem and I really need some answers. I have been with my gf for two years. I love her to bits, I think she really is the one for me. However, she wont let me do anything sexual. We only kiss when we're together and that's it. Being without any sort of sexual activity for over two years is really frustrating. I feel rejected.She keeps telling me she's not ready and that it has nothing to do with me, but I can't help wondering... I'm in a wheelchair but this doesnt affect my sex life, which was really active in the past. I'm rather good-looking and women hit on me all the time, but I only want my gf, she's perfect in every other way and I long for a chance to show her that sexual intimacy can be a very good thing.She hasnt had any previous relationships and she hasnt suffered any sexual abuse or anything like that. Also, there are no religious convictions holding her back. What do I do? I cant imagine my life without her but I'm getting really frustrated and feel disappointed and even lonely at times.Sorry for the long postThanksDaniel
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male
reader, GentleGiant  +, writes (2 October 2013):
I can completely understand your frustration but why would you wait two years. Roughly one year into the relationship you should of told her your feelings and actively pursue a solution. How does that phrase go? She is just not that into you? Maybe it is the wheel chair thing and the logistics of the whole thing has her frightened. That is where you have to come in and provide reassurance and kinda take her hand and lead her. Maybe it is fear, I do not completely know. Just work at it slowly. She will come around. Good-luck.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 You say she's had no previous relationships and doesn't yet see that intimacy is a good thing, so I'm assuming she's either a virgin or has yet to have intimacy she enjoyed and consented to.How old is your girlfriend, exactly?If she's in your age range she could be completely honest in telling you she's not ready, and it would not require or even suggest trauma in her past to make her feel that way. People mature at different rates and she may be afraid to have sex because of the pain she's heard or read about, or worried about how she'll feel about herself afterward.I lost my virginity at 19 without ever having been told what to expect, and although I'd thought beforehand that I was completely ready, afterward I felt I was almost too young to have made that kind of a choice.. even though I lost it with a fellow virgin who I really cared about. It really is a huge physical and emotional milestone, for women especially because of the bonding that can take place during sex and because of all the social implications of having sex or not having sex. If you do, you must be easy; if you don't, you must be a prude. Tough indeed to navigate that as a young and inexperienced woman.I know you're frustrated because you've experienced sex, enjoyed it, and don't see what the big deal is, but I'd give you the same advice whether you were in a wheelchair or not: please be patient with your girlfriend and don't pressure her. The last thing you want is for her first time with you to be something she regrets, or for her to resent you for it later.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2013): Thanks for your answer. The truth is I have been thinking about counselling . As for the other thing, you are not being rude at all. Actually I have made it crystal clear to her that I'm completely competent to cope on my own, she can just lay back and enjoy, I can (and will be happy to) do all the "work" myself.I have also made it clear that we dont have to go all the way if she isnt ready for that. Making out and giving each other handjobs will also be reeeaaally welcome.
Daniel
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