A
male
age
41-50,
*at1
writes:I started a relationship 4 years ago with a girl who i love dearly. Like most relationships it was lustful but this wained somewhat as time went by. Last year i found she was texting one of the guys at work, who has invited her down to his house to be No15. I asked her about the texting as she had deleted them all and destroyed her phone bill. She denied it happened even when i told her and said she didnt get the bill. 6-7 months later she started acting really stangely with her phone, always carrying it around the house and keeping it on silent. One night she got a text from another guy asking her about what she'd been up to all day. She told me he was her cousin who she hadn,t seen for years. she denied any wrong doing and hid her phone bill. I later found out she was texting him at 4am. Lately we're more distant than ever and she says she loves me, but i feel like i should just up and leave. We haven't had any sexual contact for 5 months and whilst i respect her wish that its her body, im at a loss as to what i should do. i,ve pleaded with her to tell me what i mean to her, but she just closes up and says she wants me to stay. its ruining our relationship!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2007): if she loved you as much as you say you love her, she wouldn't be texting other guys and hiding bills or deleting texts. time to be real on this. even if she wasn't seeing them, she was going some distance towards it and clearly hiding her texts etc has left you feeling unsure.the reason for the uncertainty is because she still isn't that convinced your the one for her.no one texts someone at those sort of hours without there being something in it. whose cousin would be up to 4am and why would the guy at work be asking her to be #15.. your girlfriend is as good as gone, its only a matter of time. she obviously likes the attention of other guys. somewhere along the way shes gonna be seeing someone else and you my friend will be devastated by it. be realistic it'll hurt to leave her now, but just imagine how hard its gonna be if she has been seeing someone else or intends to see someone else. no learning here my friend just time to head on in to the proverbial sunset and let her text and see whoever she wants. she'll get over you a whole lot quicker than you will her. several months down the line you'll know you've done the right thing. she'll be with more than one other. get out now!!!!
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 May 2007):
 The Frank B Kermit Rule of Relationships # 5 For Men:
How she treats you is the MOST important thing. It does not matter how much you love her. The most important thing is how she treats you. AS long as you make how you feel about her the most important thing, you will not be able to fully put your foot down, and fix your relationship. As long as she knows that she is TOO important to you, for the way she behaves, she will continue to disrespect you.
After 4 years, where is this relationship going? Planning to marry her or not? Move on if you are not thinking long term.
Good luck.
-FBK
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